I haven’t felt this low in a long time. I don’t know where to go in my own house because I don’t have a room or a place to just keep my stuff. I want to be able to go to someone but I don’t have anyone. My best friend recently ditched me because she said that my life was to stressful I even would purposely not tell her because she said he didn’t like hearing about my issues at home. And my boyfriend left me at around the same time because he said he was getting bored because I barley seen him but I can’t drive and he lives over a hour away and I see him like 4 times a month. Anyways he still is friend with me I think because he feels a little bad. I just miss having someone love me I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED I WANT MY DAD TO BE PROUD OF ME I want to be a kid again.
I miss my Nana so much because she was the most wonderful woman she was a queen she raised me until I was 14 and then she got sick and I took care of her until she fell when walking to the bathroom at night I stayed with her in the hospital and my dad made me go to school and that was the last time she was awake and I never got to see her awake since the fall. I was there when she passed away and I knew that the only person that actually loved me unconditionally was gone. And now with my family insulting me everyday and putting me down it makes me feel alone. Sometimes I just want things to go back. Now I’m crying at 4am silently next to my mom trying to not wake her up. My life just keep getting more pathetic.
(((((( Hugs for you Nao ))))))
You have lots of sad stuff happening. Crying will hopefully wash some of the sadness out and make you feel ittsy better.
You have friends here so you’re not alone. I know it’s not the same as having people that you can meet with and do things with and it’s not the same as having a boyfriend. But the feelings are real and the caring is here for you. Remember that. I hope you do not even think about drinking, that will not help anything. I have lots of respect for you and I don’t even know you except for a couple of posts here on talking sober. Usually things get better. I cannot guarantee you that things will get better. But you are working to make things better in your life. Expect them to get better. Expect yourself to have friends, have people in your life, and get a relationship back together with your family. They need to have respect for you.
I hope you’re still thinking about getting your own place where you will have your own space.
Do you still have a plan to do that?
Are you going to feel comfortable living somewhere alone?
I wish there was someplace nearby that you could walk to where you could be around nice people in a good safe environment.
Stay in touch here.
If everything seems dark to you, if you feel like a curtain has been pulled down in front of you, consider talking to your family doctor about it. If you do not have a family doctor see if there is an affordable clinic somewhere.
I sympathize with you, @Nao . It’s a rough experience to do what we’re trying to do, especially when one finds him or herself alone. When I got out of the rehabilitation center I went to, I went right back to work and my job at the time set me up with a hotel because I had to work away from home. So, every day, I after work, I would go back to my hotel and find myself alone with my own thoughts. It was getting to me at first. I would have bought some beers and nips and called it a day but I was adamant about sticking with this and seeing this through.
I started to read more (I love History, philosophical and religious texts), listening to more music, working out, listening to a plethora of videos on YouTube. Becoming more comfortable with myself started to become a sort of obsession with me. I started to become more comfortable in my solitude. I started to love myself again… Something that I haven’t done in so many years. I’m not going to go any further than that because I want you to see and experience that for yourself, amiga. I also had this wonderful little Forum to vent and express myself on and so many people here reached out. So, we’re not alone in a way.
I am sorry you feel bad at the moment. What became clearer in my sobriety was that although I am often alone the moments when I felt lonely, lost, out of despair, hopeless became fewer. It happens and mostly when I am surrounded by others, strange enough. The most important thing what I have to learn is to become my best friend, I am the most important person in my life. If I am doing good, okay or fine, I can give this back to others and will get much more back in return.
Also, I value the me time now, I need it.
It’s okay to feel lonely.
