So tough question

[Mbernhart]

How as a sober person do you deal with an alcoholic spouse or family member who doesnt want help whos just wasting away do to their alcoholism

[Dazercat]

It’s tough.
I go to Al-Anon meetings.
My wife was my drinking partner for many many years. I got sober here over 3 years ago. And she supported me. But she’s gonna drink.

As we know it’s a progressive disease and she’s getting worse. It’s really hard. But Al-Anon meetings help. It’s 12 step so it also keeps me sober. Double winner

I started a thread awhile back. Come on over and check it out if you’re interested. You’re definitely not alone.

Are you affected by a loved one who’s an addict?

Have you been affected by someone else’s drinking or them doing drugs? I have. We may be parents, children, spouses, partners, brothers, sisters, other family members, or friends, of alcoholics or drug addicts. No matter what our specific experience has been we share a common bond: we feel our lives have been affected by someone else’s drinking. I have been wanting to start an Al-Anonish type topic here ever since I joined Sober Time and TS. This is not Al-Anon. I do highly recommend Al-Anon …

And here are a few others as well.

Does your partner still drink? Some threads you may find helpful

Mine does and I discussed it fairly frequently when I was on here more. I know this question comes up a lot…How do I get sober with a partner who drinks? So often we are told we have to avoid situations and people who drink, sometimes it is even suggested that we cut them from our lives entirely. For those of us with partners who drink and whom we love and respect, that is not practical or helpful advice. Obviously some of us cannot stay with an abusive, reckess or violent alcoholic, but as we …

Lately I been working a lot on the serenity prayer. Really working it. Not just saying it at meetings. I even found a great guided meditation explaining it. It’s really help. It’s been a dreadful few weeks.

[Yoda-Stevie]

If they are someone you love, then love them. Love is action, not feeling. Share your sober journey, without nagging or condemnation for their not wanting to quit. Have compassion for a soul who is where you once were.

But don’t enable them, and if your sobriety is threatened by being around them, get some distance

[SassyRocks]

It is a tough question for sure. My husband still drinks, but is definitely not wasting away. He is very active with volunteering his time among various groups and taking care of our house and property, plus he cooks all his own meals. I am not thrilled with his drinking, but it generally does not interfere with our relationship and life together. I try to remember he put up with me for decades when I was drinking…and I was an angry, verbally abusive, messy drunk for the last several years. I appreciate him sticking with me and supporting me at my worst and at my best.

It would be more challenging if the drink had a hold of him like it did me. I guess I would say love them as best you can and love yourself as well. Is there still a happy loving relationship? If not, that is hard. Marriage asks a lot from us and in a loving relationship we can grow and change together. Not all relationships last tho and we all deserve happiness. Life doesn’t have to always be wonderful, but respect, caring, friendship and love go a long way. For myself, I know the heart of my marriage and the love and respect we share. Our union is far from perfect, but we choose eachother daily and understand we are each human with frailties and flaws. Compassion and grace for our selves and for eachother goes a long way.

Wishing you well and peace.

[Pattycake]

Matthew, I feel for you. My husband is a heavy drinker, also smokes weed for arthritis pain management. he is supportive of my sober journey, but he is not about to change his habits. It is pretty early in my journey, I’m on day 43, and I do think that I have to focus on my own sobriety, and not worry about him. I have a copy of the Al anon book a friend gave to me, with daily reading that helps me a lot. I wish you well!

[Amy30]

I wholeheartedly agree with everything you’ve said here. My husband also put up with… a lot while I was drinking and drugging and he should’ve walked away. He didn’t. He loved me at my worst and is extremely supportive of me and my sobriety

He still drinks. But never at home and never wine. And it doesn’t interfere with our life either. It works for us because we have boundaries set and open communication.