I’ve been completely honest with my husband about recovery. He gets it. He is an addict too. He has been on probation since July 4th of 2019. This past monday, the 23rd, he got off probation. It is now Wednesday.
Last Thursday his father past away, it has been hard, obviously.
Yesterday he stayed at his mom’s house with his middle brother and his mom, come to find out he took a hit of weed and took a shot.
For a little bit of background, we have been together almost 13 years. Him smoking weed has been a devastating problem to our relationship for years. Lying, sneaking around, absolutely horrible. He was on probation because he got a domestic battery against me on July 4th of last year. In front of our kids,and I was messed up. I never went to the hospital, but I’m still sure my cheek bone was broken. Is broken. It still hurts. The toe that was skinned to the bone…still hurts…
Today he walked through the door with a 6 pack for me and beers for him and said “I just want to have a beer with you” “get your beer and come sit with me”
PLEASE DON’T TELL ME MY SOBRIETY IS MY RESPONSIBILITY. NO SHIT.
You cannot deny though this situation has it’s own problems and tempations. Yesterday I woke up after my relapse and was ready to tackle recovery again, because it’s hard and I have to find it in me. I was ready. What the fuck are you supposed to do when this happens?
Gow am i supposed to fight someone in my house feeding me my poison? Especially when I’m fighting it with all I have in me?
Personally, and I know that this hard, but yes, you have answered your own question.
You do need to fight.
Otherwise to my mind you will be in the continued cycle of drink because he wants you to! Regretting this then being sober till something else happens and he wants you to drink again.
To be honest it sounds very much like my cycle 3 years ago.
I have to stop drinking - ok - oh but you’ve had a bad day could do with a beer- ok.
Just fill in any excuse really. The only difference being is I had to finally say no to myself.
Which, I’m sorry for saying this is exactly what you have to do.
Unless he physically holds your head and pours it down your throat, you are the one making your own decisions.
Sorry if that’s not what you want to hear but, marriages have split because one person wants sobriety and the other one doesn’t.
It’s up to you.
Emyj, my heart breaks for you. So young and this toxic cycle with a partner who’s not helping. I’m truly proud of you for all you’re trying to do and HAVE done!
I’m glad you came here to share your story.
Girl, I hope you found the strength to walk out that door and go to a place where you could think. He’s obviously back to being sick. I would hate for that to become your story as well. I will be praying for you, that you make the right, but nearly impossible, choice.
Oh @Emyj, my heart is heavy for you. I know it can be hell being stuck at home with your abuser. Are you in contact at all with your local shelter or the national DV hotline? Can you call them? It might be helpful to talk with someone who understands living with domestic violence.
As for drinking, it won’t help anything or make it better. You deserve more than this cycle and being trapped. I hope today is a better day for you and that you can find the strength to make some positive changes for yourself. You are worth it. 
I really hope that I don’t come off as judging. Since I have no experience with this in my personal life my post is aimed much more at the addiction part. Thank you, @liv_m, for coming in with support that has an actual chance of success and action.
To all!
I’m sorry to hear about your slip @Emyj!
I do work recovery using the big book of AA. There’s a lot of us here. It has it’s advantages for all. There’s a great chapter in it called, “To Wives.” It’s a short read and it really helps to put things about your husband and his illness into perspective. It even gives instructions on how to help him if you’d like to.
Your resentment is based in the expectation that he has a choice. He’s sick, he can’t choose, he’s powerless. At least that’s how I came to see it. He’s turned toward the coping mechanism he knows to deal with his dad’s death.
Was he court ordered to work a treatment program? If so, is there someone there you could reach out to for help? Had it seemed like he was acknowledging the benefits of sobriety? If so, he just might be ready to put down the bottle and weed for good.