One of my biggest things that I haven’t encountered yet but have thought of is not drinking when everyone else around me is.
I am not someone that expects people to not drink around me because I am now sober. I am also not one to tell people who can casually drink to not have a drink or two around me.
In these situations how do you would one handle the questions and the temptations?
I didnt do exactly that for 3 months at the start of my sobriety…until i was alot more secure in both my sobriety and being around it…even then it was only with select close people that knew my story and were supportive of me…18 months on now the whole drinking scene just doesnt interest me anymore…there are many things i can do with my friends where its not around…if its something like a wedding or funeral whatever im ok with it now but thats taken a while…i go…if i feel uncomfortable i leave. In early sobriety its important to understand that changes have to be made in your life/lifestyle for the greater good…you cant really just stop drinking and then go about your life the same as before.
If you don’t trust yourself around alcohol, don’t go around it, friends, family or no. Its as simple as that. The only way you are going to know for sure though is to try. You know yourself and your vulnerabilities. You need to take those into account. Over time, the more confident you are in your ability to be around alcohol without being tempted, the easier it will be. You might find that being with the people you used to drink with is no longer fun. You might need to find new friends that don’t drink. Sometimes you won’t be able to help it like being around family. For your own sake, you should stay away if you don’t trust yourself.
I was told in early sobriety to stay away from places were drink was being used as my defence wasnt strong enough to combat the first drink , my meetings with other like minded people helped aswell wish you well
I didn’t explain to anyone why I wasn’t drinking in the early days, just not now or might upset my ulcer. Most couldn’t care less after hearing a basic excuse like that.
I kept a glass of soda in my hand when I had to go to affairs where there was drinking. I tried to go late and leave early, always armed with several phone #s of support persons to contact if I got dicey feelings. Usually told my support group of the affair before I went, heard their experiences, and went back to a meeting asap afterwards to let them know how it turned out.
Now, it’s normal for me to be around drinking, alcohol has lost its appeal a few decades ago when I figured out that euphoric recall was a big lie.
For the better part of year I avoided these types of situations. It’s very possible to do so if you take sobriety seriously and don’t mind missing a few events.
A good gauge to see if you’re ready to go to these types of events is when you don’t have to ask how to avoid drinking at them.
I work at my sobriety so that I can live the life I want without the booze weighing on my mind.
Hello Caroline, my name is Dan and I’ve been sober continuously for 5 and a half years now. Prior to this, I was sober a few days, to a few weeks, to a few months. I’ve had many day ones, a lot of trial and error.
Early on, I thought I could continue living the life I was, sans alcohol. I’d go to the work gatherings at the bar, to the house parties, hang out with my buds in the pub… and it always lead back to drinking. Always. I would be strong a few times, but as soon as temptation + opportunity + lapse of judgement hit, I’d say screw it, I’ll start again tomorrow.
This time around, I realized I can’t do the same thing and expect different results, so I stopped doing those things. By removing the opportunity, I removed the temptation. So now of I had a “screw it” moment, it wouldn’t be so easy, I’d have time to come to my senses, come here and vent.
It took at least a year of continuous sobriety before I felt I was able to confidently be around those situations, but the thing is, I don’t even want to anymore, so I only do it if it’s work related. It’s a win win.
Your concern and question is very common, you got a lot of good feedback too, the one thing I would suggest, find out what people with long term sobriety do to stay sober, and follow their example. There’s no need to personally figure out what doesn’t work.
Be well and sober on!
In early days and months, if people asked when I was going to start drinking again, I would tell them I didn’t know. If they asked why I wasn’t drinking, I told them I didn’t feel well or it just wasn’t serving me anymore. Frankly, it isn’t anyone’s business.
As for being around drinking people, it took awhile to feel comfortable with that and not tempted. I avoided situations as much as I could, but as my husband still drinks and we entertained A LOT when I first stopped, it was a challenge. I would put myself to bed…read…cry…come on here…whatever I could to distance myself. I would take a walk, go to the gym, go home (if we were out). I took myself out of the situation if I was feeling tempted. I reminded myself WHY I wasn’t drinking anymore…I kept a list of WHY on my phone and would read that and it would knock some sense in me.
Obviously it would be wonderful to avoid all those people places and things…but with a husband who drinks, that isn’t a possibility for me…so I found distraction to be real helpful…reading, sleeping, gym, walks, etc.
If it was a dinner party and others were having a glass or two of wine, I would excuse myself to the bathroom for a quick read of my list or to come on here. I would always keep some sparkling soda or water on hand and keep hydrated. Or I avoided the party altogether.
As time went on, it got a lot easier, but it can definitely be challenging until you build some sober muscles and have some sober tools in your toolbox.
If you can avoid the social situations for awhile until you feel more confident in your sobriety, that would be my 1st choice. I skipped some things that I knew I wasn’t ready for and I have never regretted it.
You get stronger, but it does take time. So give yourself some time to start healing. Making your self and sobriety #1 helps a lot. 
I appreciate this post. I also have a SO that drinks regularly. We entertain a lot and go to every event…this will be my biggest challenge. He also likes to taunt even though he is angry with my drinking or gives me “permission” to drink with the never ending “you can have one drink with me”… I quit for 30 days before and dealt well with handling all of the above. Then I decided I could moderate. This time I just can’t give in at all.
It sucks when partners aren’t supportive, but we can still get sober. And sometimes they come to see the benefit (happy wife, happy life…maybe!). 
And I hear you on moderating. I tried that for way too long and bargaining too (only white wine, water in between, only weekends, yada yada yada)…it took me a long while to really get and accept sobriety was a solid and healthy path for me. It changes things, no lie, but it can really put us on a path of self love and self respect…who doesn’t want that?
Idk if you like quit lit, but it helped me a ton…to really understand my relationship with alcohol and what life might be like without it and ways people got there. Two books I like a lot…Annie Grace’s, This Naked Mind and Quit Like A Woman by Holly Whitaker. There are tons more if you like reading.
I hope to see you around here! It is a great resource for support and community. 
Im going to check out quit like a woman. Annie grace has been collecting dust since I was successful with that 2 yrs ago. Maybe now it wouldnt hurt to reread. I have also put plenty of limits on my choices in alcohol. How funny we all end up thinking in the same ways to get around being sober.
About support…idk I almost feel damned if I do, damned if I don’t. Not sure how things will go when I’m sober and boring. Time will tell, maybe he will join me. I don’t expect that but if I’m not initiating going to the brewery it couldn’t hurt either of us.
Definitely check out Quit Like A Woman, I took a lot from it. And it helped me reframe the reality of my drinking, versus the fantasy…that has been a big help.
Another thing that helped and still helps…keeping myself in the present versus how things might be in the future. Today is the day we have. It makes life a little more manageable for me.