I know this isn’t the first time someone is talking about this, but how does one find sober people to date. I’m honestly over the online dating thing, I’m 43(3 older kids), working and going to grad school and would like to try out dating sober for once. In the past it usually involved a dating app and alcohol, but that’s not my scene now and it has become difficult to navigate. Any advice?
Hi @Rastana Annie
We’re the same age and Ive never tried online dating post divorce but like you don’t think it’d be my thing.
They usually say for the first year of sobriety to stay single, work on yourself, get to know you, really work at your sobriety without involving another person, then hopefully when you’ve done that you’ll naturally attract people without much effort.
Congrats on 55 days sober!
Thank you for your response. I didn’t think about waiting a year after being sober to start dating. Maybe that’s a good idea. I just want to get out there again and I am feeling clueless.
I didnt date till i was about a year sober had a few before i met Sheila i was 40 and 6 years sober got married 2 years later 29 years now married still sober and in love ,
Im 14 months sober and havent dated in that time at all, i know looking back to who i was at the start of my sober journey im a completely different person now, i still dont feel ready but if and when i do feel ready im hoping i will attract the right sort of person, if i hadnt taken the time to sort myself out mentally i would have put myself straight back into a codependant relationship subconciously expecting the other person to fix me.
Well you could meet new people without the romantic connection. Go to meetings, local voluntary groups etc.
The more work you put into your sobriety the stronger you’ll be to cope when problems come up
For best results wait a year before dating. Otherwise what typically happens is past failed relationships get projected on the new relationship which dooms it to failure. When the new relationship fails it is very likely to trigger a relapse.
If a year is taken to improve yourself and identify lessons to learn from past relationships then a new relationship has a much higher chance of success. Come back and ask this question when you are truly ready for a relationship would be my advice. Who knows, by that time you may have sober hobbies and activities that allow you to meet new people.
You got this!
There are dating apps for sober people. Maybe start there.
I agree witth the year sober. I dont think being 77 days in i can take the upd and downs of dating. I find it better for me to stay even keel for now.