First let me just say this is such a great app. Its nice to know I can talk with others who stuggle in the same area. I just got sober again 3 days ago. I tried counting drinks, drinking only beer, going sober for a couple weeks, but never forever. I’ve tried almost every drug, and used to cut myself also. Cutting and suicidal thoughts were usually when or after I drank. I have had it, I’m done. My boyfriend quit too so we are doing this together. I’m truly scared because I will never get to drink again but happy also. I guess just stay busy right? Anyone have any tips, tricks, etc?
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I am the same as you. I tried to moderate it but always ends up in the same way here’s my story xxx
Day 5 sober - binge drinker / violent outbursts
Your Story
for the past 4 years I’ve gone from being someone who enjoys a drink and someone who can take it or leave it to a dependent drinker. I’m not sure when it happened but it did… slowly but surely.
im not a morning drinker and I’m not an every day drinker either. I’m an all or nothing drinker. when I drink I do NOT stop. I cannot moderate alcohol despite multiple attempts and my underlying frustration and anger from my self hatred comes out in a blind rage after a few too many.
I’ve been arrested twice.
bitten my boyfriend’s face.
kissed his dad.
kissed his best mates girlfriend.
broken his toe.
tipped my pram over with my kids in it.
driven my car recklessly.
taken cocaine.
it’s horrific. but I’ve been in denial. I’ve blamed other people and them provoking me and justified my poor embarrassing behaviour by saying I only drink because I had to give up work and my head is in a mess or because I’m a stay at home mum.
I am not from a poor background and have held down many good jobs over the years. I am 28 years old and have two beautiful children who I love with all my heart yet I’ve been this selfish idiot for the last 4 years and have nearly lost everything.
last Saturday was the turning point for me. fed up of not remembering anything from the night before I sat once again and listened in horror as my boyfriend described to me how I’d slapped him across the face and called him a c*nt. he slept in the car to avoid having a fight with me as the police have already been called on several occasions… so why wasn’t that enough for me to stop?
I guess because you don’t remember anything you kid yourself that it wasn’t that bad and you just deny the severity of how real the problem is.
I have decided to make peace with my actions as there is nothing I can do to change them other than to change my life going forward.
I have said I would give up drink so many times so understandably my boyfriend doesn’t have much faith but it really is different this time because I want to be sober. I want to feel alive and to remember. to know what happened the night before and I didn’t embarrass myself or others.
to not use a wedding, birthday or funeral as an excuse for a piss up. to just enjoy moments for what they are.
I suffer with my nerves and anxiety and depression and have bipolar and borderline tendencies hence the risky behaviour but am on medication for these and have decided to take up meditation as a way to calm that madness inside my head instead of reaching for a bottle of wine.
I have never joined a forum before or tried to discuss my problems with anyone else but i am keen to do this as I come from a family of heavy drinkers and don’t feel their input is the best thing for me right now. so I’m taking a step back from them and decided to do this alone.
I have got a doctors appointment on 22nd of this month to see what help is available but hoping i won’t need it.
I guess I find it most difficult in the evenings when I’ve had a stressful day. I’m so used to reaching for a drink and I’ve just got to train my mind to deal with it in another way before I lose my children and my partner for good.
I cannot drink again. so hi. my name is Rachel and I’m an alcoholic.
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I don’t have any tips really other than what u already said about keeping busy but don’t think about ‘never being able to drink again’. if I did that I’d probably give up as it is a scary thought when you say it out loud. you just have to take it day by day and with every day that passes u will feel stronger. I miss drinking in the evenings mainly after a stressful and busy day but have tried to do meditation instead and it seems to be working for me. 20 minutes a night just sat in a quiet room watching a video on YouTube. the only withdrawal I have noticed is that I have been very emotional and irritable (like time of the month) but my partner understands that and is being supportive. it’s always going to be around (alcohol) so you just have to be strong. this is why this app is so good. xxx here if u need a chat xxx
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Hi Rachel 
I’m 28 also. And I too am on meds for my long term chemical imbalance. You definitely need to.do this for yourself but for your kids as well! Just remember all those things alcohol made you do and never go back! Sending hugs!
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Thanks so much for the advice and support! 
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Welcome @Saarmijo! Congratulations on 3 days! I’m glad you are enjoying the app so far. I’ve found that when I am dealing with stress my negative coping mechanisms tend to feed into each other. I am also a (former) cutter. Just try to focus on one thing at a time though. You said that you usually cut after drinking. Hopefully, abstaining from alcohol will help you manage the urge to self-harm. But again, one thing at a time. You are in the right place! Here are some things that have helped me through early recovery:
You can do this!
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This helped me rationalize my drinking.
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