Since my sobriety journey I’ve encountered alot. Good bad and the ugly. However, this week was far the worst week since my AF journey. Feb 9th I celebrated 19 months sober. One would think that was a celebratory day right!? Well… also on Feb 9th I had to put down my 12 yr old chihuahua. My heart aches, my heart was and still heavy because I was not prepared for this. Watching my kids mourn the loss of our fur baby they shared their life with was pure hell.
19 months ago I was a different woman. One who celebrated with alcohol and also grieved with it as well. Back then, alcohol was my source of comfort; in both good times and in bad times. Going through this then I would have gone through my bottles after bottles numbing myself to get through the day. Having to make that tough call and putting my dog down meanwhile, doing it all sober, feeling all the feels and I didnt give in was when I discovered I have really, truly chosen ME.
Ive been tested in so many ways these last 19 months but im still here fighting this fight, telling myself i can get through anything. Ironically as crappy as it hurts but feeling all the feels somehow makes me feel so alive. Which is another win for me because alcohol had taken that ability from me and left me dead inside for a long time.
Each day, I am enjoying this journey more and more. I am learning a lot about me as a person and I am grateful 19 months ago on Jul 9th 2021 I CHOSE ME.
for those just starting out, it truly gets better. One day at a time.
I am sorry about your furry family member. That is always a challenge. I am glad you are choosing YOU thru this and being clear and present in your feelings and grief…for you and your kids.
And really big congrats on your 19 months!! It’s a big deal!!!
Thank you for sharing your experience, strength, and hope. I fear how i will navigate loss in my sobriety and its stories like yours that let me know its possible. Congrats on 19 months!
My heart is breaking for you. I too have become incredibly close to my pandemic dog. She helped me get sober. We become so attached and it’s heartbreaking. I’m so glad she had those wonderful times with you.
Congratulations on your 19 months and my sincere condolences on saying goodbye to your sweet doggie. There truly nothing like the love of a dog that unconditionally love is so precious and why it hurts so much speaking of experience as well. I read a book on grieving recently and of my favorite lessons was that grief is an expression of tge deep love you have for the loss of your loved one, I’ve kept that in my heart and soul always when something reminds me of them or I come across a picture of one of my dogs.
I’m so sorry for your loss and I completely understand your struggles. I was a few weeks into my journey when my Meme died and family was being horrible to me and it was a scary feeling to try to find something new to cope but we did it and are stronger for it.
‘Ironically as crappy as it hurts but feeling all the feels somehow makes me feel so alive. Which is another win for me because alcohol had taken that ability from me and left me dead inside for a long time’
So true,what you said here is such an eye opener. That profound statement you made has really opened my eyes. I realise now looking back how I started to use alcohol to mask my pain of the loss of so many things. My childhood, virginity, my parents divorcing, our family home, brother dying,father dying,Alcohol only compounded the grieving process to the point where my use of alcohol combined with every traumatic loss and grieving experience in my life ultimately made me lose myself, I was truly was dead inside.
Yesterday my uncle died , he was one of the only people who ever helped me to feel safe in this world. For the first time as sad as it was to lose someone loved so dearly each time I tried to cry I just couldn’t, I wondered why? I realised because I’d used alcohol in the past to grieve that was what made my tears and emotions start pouring out of me but in such an unhealthy manner. So then I also realised another thing, it’s ok not to cry when someone dies, so I ended up feeling greatful instead , greatful for having him apart of my life, I was then flooded with pride and joy over knowing such a great person. Instead of crying, I prayed to God to keep him safe and then I smiled and then something amazing happened, I felt better!
Big hugs. Hang in there and keep staying strong!!!