I feel like that. The “if anyone ever knew” kinda thoughts are super scary for me. I’ve somehow remained outwardly “presentable”, but nooooo, nooo, nooooo… I was doing nothing for years but faking good and being deceptive. Ugh.
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I agree. I had so many people reach out and ask if we were fine. Several were customers when we basically disappeared. I sure as shit wasn’t telling them no, we are alcoholics. It was, “we are good but focused on other things at the moment”. Which was true. Now my focus is also on other places, so still true! I am keeping this closer to my vest than I ever have anything. It’s odd for me but I’m not interested in talking about it “publically” yet.
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I have definitely felt this way. In the past I have cried in the shower more times than I like to admit.
I as well get flashbacks of bad memories and things I wish I could forget combined with feelings of inadequacy.
In those moments, I reach into my personal cookie jar of things I have accomplished. I also remind myself that the person i was is dead, buried and gone.
Based off what you have shared you have quite the list of accomplishments as well.
Try to remind yourself that you aren’t defined by your past. It is the good you are doing in the present that matters!!!
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