Today is a week clean. Officially 7 days, from the moment I woke up been having a hard time. Normal life stresses and some not so normal. Also have the heaviest of hearts today. Not sure why but Grief has no boundaries. 11 years ago me and my moms apartment caught fire and I was the only one who made it out. She was my best friend, my rock and days like today I just want and need her more then anything and I know one day we will be back together but just like sobriety it’s hard to focus on the long haul. We drank together all the time, even on her anniversary every year I take a shot for her. She struggled with addiction also. Hopefully I can keep this up. Not only for me but for her too. Both of our inner children want to feel at peace.
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You are doing so well with your first week sober! Yeah to 7 days of freedom
i am so sorry and saddened to read your story. grateful that you can start living a sober life for the both of you. I did like your line above - wishing you both peace 
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I’m day 12 of being sober, feeling a little lost though and Disconnected from family and friends as I didn’t go to the family party, that my brother in law holds every couple of months, I’ve never been to one, always opted to look after the children, as I know my partying would last for days later as I have no limits, everyone looking at pictures saying I should be there, I don’t have to drink ect, but I would I know, I believe I’m doing the right thing, I need to stay away from party’s ect for as long as it takes, thank you for letting me go on 
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That’s been really hard on me also, my normal friends or family I usually party with inviting me and having to say no knowing my own limits. But someone had wrote on here earlier and it has stuck in my head “don’t drink as long as you possibly can, the first drink is the only one you will be able to say no to” & it hit hard.
You can do this
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I’m so sorry for your loss. I wonder if you’ve tried emdr therapy for trauma? Or how you’ve coped? Really hope you find peace.
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I’m not sure what emdr therapy is actually. But I’ve been through lots of therapy and groups, was in a mental hospital for a few months when I was 17 but besides all that my (what I considered coping) was alcohol and drugs. Obviously that’s not actually coping but for me for the longest it was. Always used it as my bandaid. But has been hurting me more then helping me 
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Can’t get your last sentence in here as a quote … About how it’s been hurting you more than helping you. It’s good that you are able to see this and accept it. You have been through awful. Hopefully with your sobriety you will be able to find peace and enjoy your life. Your mother will be proud of you for going forward without an addiction. I’m so sorry for what happened to you when you were young. Of course it will affect you in some way or another your whole life, hopefully you’ll be able to be sober to get through the hurt and give a good go at a nice life.
Welcome to the forum.
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@Jewelsdarien you have so much courage!! I am brand new here, trying to navigate my way around, but your post really touched me. I send congrats on 7 days and lots of encouragement to keep up the fabulous work and stay strong. Be kind, gentle and patient with yourself. I have been trying to do this myself, I am on day 23 and some days are better than others, but the good ones have been more frequent than the not so good ones now. Keep your chin up and again I think you have a lot of courage to share and in general!
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