Welcome to the community Jonathan and amazing work on your 181 days of sobriety.
I am so sorry for the intermittent dark thoughts. Have you considered therapy? I know when we become sober we start to feel all our feelings – all the feelings that we have spent so much time trying to snuff out.
When you do have these thoughts would you be able to call in a help line to help you through? I know that it’s hard to accept why we are having such thoughts when our lives seem so great. We need to realize that our feelings are valid and we have to find a healthier way out of the dark thoughts.
When i did have them i found that surrounding myself with support and laughter really helped. Daily gratitude practices also were a life savor - check out the thread - Daily Gratitude, The Air Of Recovery #5
from a google search…
If you’re considering methods of suicide or actively thinking about ending your life, these steps can help you stay safe while you work on getting longer-term support:
- Reach out. Trusted loved ones can listen and offer emotional support. They can also help you stay safe. If you’re unsure who to turn to, start with a crisis counselor. They’ll listen with compassion and offer guidance on ways to reach out.
- Go somewhere safe. Getting to a safe location can make it easier to avoid acting on suicidal thoughts. You might try a library or other public space, a friend’s house, or somewhere else you feel comfortable — even a different room in your house.
- Lock up or get rid of weapons. Safety also means staying away from weapons, medications, or other possible methods of suicide. A friend or family member can help you remove these items or stay with you, especially if you need to continue taking medication. They can offer one dose at a time, so you don’t have access to excess pills.
- Avoid alcohol and other substances. Drinking alcohol or using substances might seem helpful for numbing painful and unwanted emotions, but you might find they actually worsen depression and suicidal thoughts.
- Try grounding techniques. Going for a short walk, cuddling a pet, and 4-7-8 breathing are all examples of grounding techniques that can help you stay in the present during a moment of intense distress. Not sure how to get started? A crisis counselor can also talk (or text) you through trying them out.
- Do something that helps you relax. Listening to music, savoring a favorite food or beverage, or looking at photos (or videos) of people and animals you love can help you feel calmer and less distressed.
The feelings of pain and despair might not immediately improve, and addressing suicidal thoughts can take time and professional support. But taking the first steps toward managing these thoughts can help you get enough distance to regain some hope and explore more long-term methods of relief.
Grateful to have you here with us - keep strong and know you are not alone. Please reach out at any time - this site is always active!