181 days today. I’m fucking sad. Ever since I got sober. It’s not all the time but about once a month I get the overwhelming urge to kill myself. I never had these thoughts before. I’d consider myself generally happy, married to a wonderful woman my true best friend. We have a son who will be 3 in a week and we are planning his birthday and he loves Spider-Man and Halloween and his face lights up when I get home from work. He is my first sense of real purpose, the reason I finally decided to get sober because I was having life threatening health issues and I didnt want to die and leave my family behind…. And I did it, I’ve gotten sober, and In the day to day I’m so fucking happy. Then out of nowhere I want to kill myself
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Welcome to the community Jonathan and amazing work on your 181 days of sobriety.
I am so sorry for the intermittent dark thoughts. Have you considered therapy? I know when we become sober we start to feel all our feelings – all the feelings that we have spent so much time trying to snuff out.
When you do have these thoughts would you be able to call in a help line to help you through? I know that it’s hard to accept why we are having such thoughts when our lives seem so great. We need to realize that our feelings are valid and we have to find a healthier way out of the dark thoughts.
When i did have them i found that surrounding myself with support and laughter really helped. Daily gratitude practices also were a life savor - check out the thread - Daily Gratitude, The Air Of Recovery #5
from a google search…
If you’re considering methods of suicide or actively thinking about ending your life, these steps can help you stay safe while you work on getting longer-term support:
- Reach out. Trusted loved ones can listen and offer emotional support. They can also help you stay safe. If you’re unsure who to turn to, start with a crisis counselor. They’ll listen with compassion and offer guidance on ways to reach out.
- Go somewhere safe. Getting to a safe location can make it easier to avoid acting on suicidal thoughts. You might try a library or other public space, a friend’s house, or somewhere else you feel comfortable — even a different room in your house.
- Lock up or get rid of weapons. Safety also means staying away from weapons, medications, or other possible methods of suicide. A friend or family member can help you remove these items or stay with you, especially if you need to continue taking medication. They can offer one dose at a time, so you don’t have access to excess pills.
- Avoid alcohol and other substances. Drinking alcohol or using substances might seem helpful for numbing painful and unwanted emotions, but you might find they actually worsen depression and suicidal thoughts.
- Try grounding techniques. Going for a short walk, cuddling a pet, and 4-7-8 breathing are all examples of grounding techniques that can help you stay in the present during a moment of intense distress. Not sure how to get started? A crisis counselor can also talk (or text) you through trying them out.
- Do something that helps you relax. Listening to music, savoring a favorite food or beverage, or looking at photos (or videos) of people and animals you love can help you feel calmer and less distressed.
The feelings of pain and despair might not immediately improve, and addressing suicidal thoughts can take time and professional support. But taking the first steps toward managing these thoughts can help you get enough distance to regain some hope and explore more long-term methods of relief.
Grateful to have you here with us - keep strong and know you are not alone. Please reach out at any time - this site is always active!
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Have you ever sought professional help for your mental health?
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Welcome Jonathan. Therapy can help with the dark thoughts. Have you given it a try?
Welcome. Suicide ideation is a tough thing to deal with. It has only happened since becoming sober? It could be that alcohol masked mental health issues that are now coming to the fore. It could be that sober life isn’t quite the magical life you expected (because any life isn’t). I suggest talking to a professional, because we aren’t on this forum.
This is a suicide helpline (in the US, not sure if that is where you are). Maybe you could call them if such feelings come up again.
Any rate, we are here to listen, and support as best we can.
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Hey Jay – just checking in on you – how are you doing today?
You’re not alone. I’m glad you reached out here.
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I have had similar experiences which come from nowhere… I wouldn’t say I want to kill myself though, it’s more that I suddenly find life excruciatingly boring without the chemical up of alcohol to look forward to. I only post this in case that makes sense to you, as a less extreme explanation.
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I understand the feeling but in my not expert opinion it sounds like you may need to consider therapy.