Hi everyone, this is very new to me. I have been on the recovery road for a couple years now but have re-started my sober journey in January. I am a 26 year old woman and My fiancé is getting deployed in may and we have never gone through this while together.
I am wondering if anyone, military member or spouse, had any advice they would like to share. Anything is greatly appreciate, thank you.
Hey there B. Welcome to TS?
I’m a veteran, I may be able to provide some insight. What’s the actual question? How do you stay sober while your beau is deployed?
Thank you for your response!
Staying sober, support groups, advice for supporting my fiancé while he is deployed. I’m looking for anything I can get, honestly. I’m not sure where to start!
The easiest question to answer is the “how do you support for man while deployed”. Be available for him anytime he needs you, for whatever he needs. Phone calls. Emails. Pics. Care packages, etc…
Do you live on base? What branch of the military? And is he an officer or enlisted?
Hey there. Veteran here as well, three tours in Afghanistan and two while married with children. My job kept me outside the wire alot so communication got tough at times but yea it is important to be available. Depending on the job his day could change in a second and he may not know when he could call. I lived my care packages from home, I’m a foodie so loved getting stuff you couldnt at the little PX’s. And pictures meant a lot to me as well, something I could take with me if I was going to be out for awhile. You need anything while he’s away there’s a few of us on here.
Thank you!
We are not on base currently, he is an enlisted MPO in the army. He is currently sober as well, mostly to support me. So I want to ensure I can be there for him as much as possible in return. Luckily I am readily available at all times due to the nature of my work, but he will be traveling through multiple countries in the Middle East and is not guaranteed cell service.
I have been planning out care packages to send, thank you for the advice! I guess I’m worried that he will be more concerned about me and my sobriety/mental health rather than open up about his. Any recommendations on how to get him to talk about emotions without crossing boundaries? He bottles a lot up which I know it super common.
The getting him to talk while deployed can be a tricky one. I was the same way. There wasn’t a need to have family worry so my response was always it was an easy day. If you think he’s going to be concerned about you while being gone just be open with him. I would of rather known there was an issue than sit there and think for weeks there may be a problem. Of course this is all my opinion and I am no way a pro. But definitely stay focused on your recovery. It is great your looking out for your fiancé but he’s been trained to do what he’s about to do. You have to keep up with your training and maintain your recovery and that will give him a lot of piece of mind I think.
Good afternoon 
Id first like to say, you go girlfriend! Congratulations on being sober.
My sons father is former military. He missed the whole pregnancy, delivery and first 7 months of my sons life. It was definitely tough being a young woman and mom, at the time i was young young. 18. 19. Im 27 now.
My advice to you is find some group activities for yourself to go out and do, whether it being something like a sobreity group or even a yoga class, a pottery class, whatever your interest might be. Gives ya something to look forward to every week and you make friends who like the same stuff along the way 
I hope this helps and im always open to new friends!
Retired Marine here. My advice is the same as it is for everyone: get better at getting better.
Do something to better yourself. With your SO deployed, you will have more time. Idle time is dangerous for the newly sober. You will miss him regardless, but idleness will multiply this, allow it to grow and fester…and potentially lead to relapse.
Take a class that will help you get a better job. Pick up a side-gig and earn some extra cash. Learn a useful skill…or my favorite…take a martial arts class. Get in mad shape. Run a marathon… Really anything that’s positive, that interests you, and keeps you away from the temptation to drink.
Relationship wise…frequent communications. In my day that was limited to letters and really expensive long distance telephone. Today there’s email and video chats. Packages from home are like Christmas. I remember receiving several while deployed during Desert Shield/Storm. Baby wipes, Copenhagen and slim jims…made my week when I’d get one.
You can look at this as an opportunity or a curse…you get to choose. Choose well.