31.12. - This day I would normally go to work and couldn’t wait to finish. Then I would wish to have some alcoholic drink already on the way back. I would have to wait and have a drink as soon as I came home (doesn’t matter what time it was). I would lie to myself that it’s just before I get ready for the New year’s party but I would end up having as much drinks as possible before I would have to leave the house. The way to party would be too long again and I would be craving more alcohol. After I would finally entrance the party I would probably have to take some pain killer as I would get a headache from all of the excitement about whole night drinking. I would get smashed during the night and I would probably not remember the Midnight and everything else what would happen next.
Today is going to be my first sober New Year’s Eve since I was teenager. I am looking forward to it. I am not missing all the experience above - being drinking to get drunk. It was never really matter where I am or who I am there with. All the matter was presence of alcohol. This is now different.
The Quantity of drank bottles is replaced by a Quality of my company.
I feel alive, present and happy 
