Struggling with this same harshness and judgement daily. 
Trying to be appreciative of my body and just lift as a steady practice rather than to get to a certain resultā¦ but itās challenging to always stay in this mindset.
All your work definitely shows, great job keeping at it!
2 Likes
I feel you. Been a gym rat since 17.Not used to working out at home. Canāt seem to motivate myself, miss the pool my daily laps, n the lifting. But at least Iām getting in power walks. Some dayās 6 miles, if I push it I do 12 miles. Ordered those bands that go up to 100 lbs.Gonna try that at home.
1 Like
Absolutely I do love lifting regardless of the results, but when youāre working hard you tend to think you should see them fast. My whole life from the day I started drinking I became very judgmental of myself, itās been going on since I was 15, and I had man boobs, my friends would slap them and shit so it made my subconscious worse and made me even harder on myself. I am getting better at loving myself, I give myself little pep talks in the mirror and try to stay positive. I did alot of damange to my mind and body and I need to remember itās going to take longer then 3 months to recover from 15 years of abuse lol, I hope you have a good day, and keep working on it, good things are coming 
5 Likes
@SNS7
Sara, great job on 11 days!!! You are doing it 1 day at a time!!!
Hopefully things are starting to level a little at 11 days. It only gets better, so keep going.
Pulling for you, good luck 
1 Like
I donāt even know when it started with me, as early as 11, 12 maybe, but for many years and up to a few months ago I wouldnāt leave the house w/o this intense feeling of shame and wrongness about myself and my body, and more often than not I would not make it out even, just falter and stay at home wretched. Wanting to rectify this by being extra healthy strong fit etc just amplifies into new shame when goals arenāt met. Self esteem, in the literal sense, has to come from the inside, I have learned. Treating your body right by keeping it healthy and making it strong and reliable can be an expression of it and a form of self care. Lifting weights has been the most effective antidepressant I was able to discover and has helped me countless times. But it canāt fill the void and damage of absent self-love or worse, actual self-despisal and this warped perception you describe so well. As you say, after years of abuse it will take a long time to mend these areas and relations to ourselves. But itās a rewarding and wonderful journey. Power to us! 
7 Likes
Great to hear from you bro!! Im indeed well and positive 
Be safe and be healthy
1 Like
Good for you Josh! That is a great achievement brother 
Good for you Sara! You look cool and calm. Congratulations on 11 days 
Thanks Jimieg. When I get to 7 days sober. It will be the longest time without alcohol in about 10 years.
2 Likes
Absolutely, I was the same. I wouldnāt leave my house without the same feeling or being drunk and even then I was still very self concious, itās crazy bc as a kid I was so out going, I remember singing the itsy bitsy spider on a stage full of hundreds of ppl at Walt Disney. I was a class Clown, I remember a couple teachers putting me down, and I started to turn into a bully, I was mean and picked on a few kids in school, and yeah maybe it was all karma. I turned into this very quiet person, my vocabulary went to shit and I could never think of the right words anymore and it was like the tables turned. I just really need to make a mends with everything I did, and even tho I say I have, sometimes it still bothers me. Iām Definitely facing some fears with going on the bike rides, I never would of been seen doing that before, wearing sunglasses, idk there is a few accomplishments that Iāve done. Things are improving, and even here I try my best to help others, sometimes I feel like ppl dont wanna hear what I have to say, Iāve even been in the past called weird, and when I try to talk to ppl sometimes I can just sense that they are uncomfortable around me, Iām really good at picking up peopleās energy. Anyway it absolutely is a wonderful journey and Iām grateful for everything Iām doing and working on. Thank you:)
6 Likes
My dream place to be. Miss it so much. It is an amazing sight. Thanks for sharing. I am working on a garden full of them. So far so good.
1 Like
Always chuffed to regale a fellow word nerd! 
3 Likes
That is awesome.
Congrats on 11 days. You got this.
Congrats on 5 days.
Just the two of usā¦we can make it if we tryyy
Starting to feel a bit better about things. Chief is no small part in that. Sometimes I may have to remind him to go have some water when he needs it, and he might fart in my face sometimes, but I donāt know where Iād be without him. My best friend. People in my new building already adore him and Iāve gotten regular comments about how well-behaved he is. Iām tremendously proud of him.
ā¦and look at that bodybuilder neck heās got. That boy is all muscle!
*Disclaimer: car was parked when photo was taken. Iām not a fool!
45 Likes
Thank you so much