Last night was the first time I seriously wondered how I’d cope sober in a particular situation…
I’ve been chatting with someone and I’d definitely jump on the good foot and do the bad thing with them. I realised that I haven’t had sober sex in about 10 years (have been solo that long)!! Drunk sex is easy.
No inhibitions, not a care in the world.
Has anyone here got sober and had sober sex for the first time in a long time?
Oh my lawd. Sorry if this sounds odd but it’s weighing on my mind!
15 Likes
If you feel totally comfortable with the person it is likely to go well.
If you feel you need something to give you confidence then maybe your not ready yet 
or should wait and spend more time with the person to get comfortable, and feel confident in yourself.
As long as your comfortable together I’m sure your have a great time 
This is what I would think for myself 
9 Likes
I was scared of sober sex with my husband! Its common when you’re used to drunk sex. It took a bit but we both love the genuine connection sober.
Be patient. Laugh at any awkwardness. Be kind.
8 Likes
This is good to know, I thought I may be the only person who has thought this way 
Thanks for the reply
Sober sex was so awkward for me the first time Granted, it was with someone who I had only been seeing for a few weeks and it was our first time together. I’m a little awkward to begin with and first times are too, but I did feel my confidence lacking a bit throughout the experience. I figured it was my clear thinking protecting me from rushing into things the way I used to when I was drinking and that maybe I wasn’t as comfortable with this person as I had thought.
Taking a break from all of that in general for awhile
4 Likes
Drinking definitely strips away judgement 
Thanks for your perspective, I know if I was still drinking then there wouldn’t be any hesitation. Maybe my clear thinking will make an appearance too
6 Likes
I have never done 
3 Likes
I just know it felt more fulfilling than any time while drunk. And, I was able to remember the way it felt which makes for a way better memory. Almost 6 yrs now of clear minded snuggling and we still giggle about our past drunken dumb shit together. No need to repeat.
9 Likes
You are not alone!! I am 8 months sober and just now feel comfortable having sober sex with my husband! I had to admit to him that I was usually drunk or tipsy we we had done it before. He says he likes it better with me sober because I don’t pass out after or pick a fight. My advice, make sure your partner is sober too so that you are both fully present.
4 Likes
The person in question is a drinker, so I’m now wondering if they should be a no go.
We went out to dinner a little while ago, but I was drinking then. It also makes me wonder if we won’t really have anything in common anymore in person 
2 Likes
Do what you need to do to protect your sobriety! Put that first and you will know if you can date this person.
3 Likes
I think its a really important thing to mention
I have found my inhibitions have come back and i will admit I miss aspects of drunken sex and the abondness of it, but its day 20, and i think my body and mind are still adjusting:) good luck and its such a positive step forward!
I do also tho recall some of the things i did whilst drunk and at times cringe
1 Like
Yes!!!
It’s the cringey flashbacks that donit for me too
Hopefully I won’t be too awkward if/when it happens
1 Like
My sexuality has been totally intertwined with my substance abuse. Actually for all my sexually active life. It’s a problem. And a pretty big one for me. It goes hand in hand with my more general problem with sex and intimacy, which is the fact that because of experiences in my younger years sex and intimacy have been separated almost completely. Integrating my sexuality back into my core self is one of the big takss I set myself in my recovery.
Last time I had sex, the person I had sex with offered me alcohol and drugs. More than once. While I told him I’m in Recovery. So that was the end of that. I have yet to experience true sober sex. Not sure it’ll will ever happen. I am sure I don’t want to have sex under the influence again. The journey continues.
4 Likes
It was certainly terrifying for me as I ended a relationship just before getting sober that I had been in for years. Being sober certainly helps with choosing who you will sleep with as opposed to whoever was available (my standards were rubbish when drunk)
I notice you are nearing 2 months sober and single, I received some good advice about steering clear or dating etc early on…
- because a lot of people use alcohol for nerves when dating.
- meeting at a bar is often a suggestion and it’s best not try sitting in a bar with a soft drink early on.
- When we first stop drinking our emotions can be all over the place and a person can seem amazing and a great little distraction.
I was really glad I put the work in elsewhere as I’ve seen a lot of people come unstuck because they focus on someone else instead of themselves first. All the best 
5 Likes
One of the biggest things I have learned in sobriety is you can not hide your feelings from yourself .An you need to deal with them head on.
Now I have found sober sex can be great as long as you are not fighting demons and yourself. You can be as intimate and enjoy it like it is supposed to be. Especially if it’s with the right person.
4 Likes