This is my first holiday since being single (Thanksgiving 
) and it was HARD. Almost 5 year relationship ended this summer
I didnt realize how hard it would hit me but I cried basically the entire day. Its gotten to the point where I’m tired of being sad. We broke up for a reason and I want to see it through. But the sadness is overwhelming and im tired. I just want to smoke weed and not feel. I want to not feel sad long enough to clean my room, and go to the gym. I want to smoke up and not think about how sad and scared and lost I feel allllll the time. The relationship used to do that for me a lot, help me not feel so lost and scared. But that wasn’t healthy either. im at stage where i need to grow up, push myself, find out where I’m going. Deal with lost and scared feeligs, push through. But its hard and Im struggling today.
Today I was surrounded by friends and family and eventually i started to feel better but for the most part im struggling. I know what I need to do to feel better just in mu daily life ( gym, less screen time, eat well, walk, clean my space) but i dont have the motivation to do any of it. I know what would make me feel better and I dont feel like doing it. Such a frustrating feeling.
The other thing that would make me feel better a hug from him, hearing his voice, laughing with him .
All i want is to smoke and not think about any of this
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You don’t need motivation to do something. DO IT! NOW! Every little task is more than zero and they add up. I know what I’m talking about. Not thinking, just DOING has been very helpful for me to get through a lot in the last years.
So put on your big girl panties for 5 minutes, set an alarm and DO something. It doesn’t matter what. Bring out the trash, air your flat, throw away old newspapers, put away 5 pieces of laundry, empty and refill the dishwasher, clean the toilet, vacuum one room, put back 5 pieces whatever is lying around to where it belongs …
Then make a cup of tea and deliberately smile for 60 seconds.
Sending you hugs 
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That is hard for sure. But you have to feel the sadness of the relationship ending and deal with it. Putting off feeling things, only delays, doesn’t avoid.
Motivation is hard, but as erntedank said, action actually comes before motivation. Do a little something, then notice how much better it looks and you feel, and that will create motivation to do more.
I want to smoke up and not feel how sad scared and lost I feel all the time …very powerful I can relate …I’m in a soberhouse and 16 year heroin addiction but same reason why I settle for smoking weed to not feel relationships I’ve destroyed and my reality of where my addiction has taken me …my ex got married recently and my gawdddd did I love that girl lol but my actions due to active addiction pushed her away and smoking trees is my last resort to not feel but sitting with self is torture but a must for myself to do the work and escape this self prison
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