That’s a lot to deal with Gary, but like Sarath mentioned dealing with it sober is the best thing you can do right now. But I do understand the struggle. Maybe it’s an idea to check in here on this forum every day? You can do so on this thread but we have also a special dialy check in thread here. You can find it here:
You will get a lot of support there and it will help you to stay accountable.
It helps me a lot for sure when I’m in a fulnerable spot 
Hope you will get the best care and can heal 