I am a PMO addict in recovery. I am single. Personally I believe that I can’t enter in a relationship until I don’t heal this part of my life. I will destroy someone and I don’t want that
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Very wise. I think that’s the best course of action. Bringing your old baggage on a trip unbeknownst to your new partner wouldnt be fair to them, or yourself.
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I had a Mental Health team that cared for me after a suicide attempt and was cared for by a Psychiatrist who was very good then had some counselling and therapy alongside 3 anti depressents that all work together.
Hope you’re well today Philip 
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I’m glad that you’re still here and got some necessary help and support along the way.
I am doing pretty well, thanks. How about yourself?
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@Philipwithonel I agree. sometimes is hard but I found that selfishness is in the root of this addiction.
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I started my recovery from PMO while I was single. I had been 1,5 years in recovery when I met my husband. And I’m still in recovery.
I can’t say which is “easier” - recovering as a single or in a committed relationship. It’s definitely different. One one hand being married and having sex regularly definitely helps with cravings, since I can direct them towards Hubby. On the other hand, the stakes are much much higher. We consider consuming porn as adultery (our mutual perspective, what other couples decide is not my business), which makes relapsing very serious. If I was to cross that line, it would mean something is terrible wrong. As a single, you’re only accountable to yourself (and a trusted person, if that’s something you have set up). I remember craving and thinking about sex A LOT more when I was single in recovery than what I do now.
Nevertheless, we don’t pursue sobriety primarily for others - it must be for ourself. So definitely start your journey today rather than later, regardless your civil status.
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Thanks for the share.
I cant speak to being “single” technically but the wife and I are currently seperated and I have my own place now… so it damn near feels like it. That and we hadnt been intimate for a while leading up to that point. So, I’d say though different dynamics. the single life could prove to be more challenging, for me, knowing I dont have a spouse that I can act out with at times as a supplement for the pmo cravings.
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Being single in recovery before meeting my current wife was an absolute gift. I was celibate for over a year, no PMO. And that period was one of the best years of my life. Okay, I wasn’t having sex. But I also wasn’t experiencing the problems that relationships come with. And I had a lot more free time, to pursue my hobbies, friendships, self care. And God taught me so much during that time. Namely, how I was placing magical qualities on women. And being receptive to embracing women for who they are; not for what I wanted them to be or for how they made me feel. And I had to learn that sex was not a need or a right, but a privilege. A privilege that I needed to surrender to God.
My stance was to embrace my singleness. To take this vital time in my life to develop, exercise, and appreciate the many gifts that God has already given me, as opposed to feeling sorry and pitiful for what I didn’t have.
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Destroying someone sounds really serious. Why do you think you could destroy someone? Is this because of possibility of avoiding girlfriend and using PMO? Or you think addiction may go somewhere further (night clubs, adultery)?
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On one side it is strong reason to avoid videos, but on the other side it looks like strong burden - is it possible that since you both treat watching as adultery then subconciously you value porn quite high?
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I don’t quite understand what you mean with “burden”. Not consuming porn is not a burden, it’s freedom.
No, we don’t value porn. We acknowledge the threat porn poses to our relationship. We promised to be faithful to one another, meaning not to include anyone else into our sex life. Viewing an other person, whether filmed, live or live-streamed, is a breach of that promise. Moreover, I consider porn sex trafficking. That’s the conclusion I drew when I started to research porn industry. I know there are different opinions regarding that. Porn is so objectifying and exploitative of a person that I can’t find any justification for it. My heart goes out to those who are trapped in the trade.
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@StillMarching I found myself powerless in front of addiction. It’s something I can’t control. I admit it. If someone will share this craziness can be deeply hurt as I am. I broke so many times my own boundaries. I don’t trust in myself
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I wish we had set that boundary early on. There were times where we’d watch together but I think it was when my compulsive watching it solo became apparent to her and enough was enough. She had stated afterwards that she considered it cheating and I couldnt process that at the time because I saw it as harmless and I really didnt want to stop either. Looking back, I could have prevented a lot of heartache, fights, traumas and resentments years ago. But I am on the mend now and doing the next best right thing to never be that person again
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And that’s what we call progress, as you heal and retrain your brain you’ll never have to deal with all that guilt again 
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Thank you so much. Its been a process, thats for sure
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I’m sorry to hear that, I hope you will overcome that.
Do you have a goal which shows you that you could start a relationship/dating? Something like: “If I have N clean days I will start dating”.
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I totally agree with you - I call this industry directly as “modern slavers” and I mean people acting in these videos.
Mind is tricky, in the past I wanted to quit PMO, but on the other side I still valued it and unconsciously wanted return to it.
It helped me when I assumed that I lose nothing, no value at all, it’s totally garbage.
Definitely porn is danger for relationship, but I imagined such condition really stressful - “Don’t ever watch this or I will assume it’s adultery” - that’s why I call it burden, but if it works for you guys, then it’s a good strategy.
On the other side I really like your idea - It’s just only brainwashing when males think: “I can watch video of pros actress, because it’s not created directly for me and it’s available for everyone”.
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When I started this topic I started my journey with quitting PMO ultimately.
In the past there were a lot of “cheating” - I didn’t watched porn, but looked sometimes at photos of actresses and with time I did use softer and softer photos. [But it’s bad strategy]
Most probably my mind played tricks on me and unconsciously convinced myself that because I’m single I can look at some pictures - after all I see what guys in relationships see…
Now, with 2 clean weeks (without any cheating) I can answer my own question - IT DOESN’T MATTER.
If you want to be free, then you can “fight” with it successfully in any conditions.
Although I don’t just jump - “yeah, I’m totally free”, I just refer to myself as a “nonuser” and keep my guard up.
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@StillMarching yes. one year is my goal.
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