Sobriety is empowering, harder and harder

Tomorrow will mark my 15 month clean of meth. This honestly has been the hardest thing I ever did. I did this for me and my kids. I did it for me cuz I was tired of actin like a crazy loon. I thought no one knew but apparently as all tweakers think that way, everyone knew I was bat shit crazy on meth. Last year I left. My husband and I got into a fight he told me to leave and I didn’t come back for another 7 months. I wanted to stop meth for me and my kids deserve a not so crazy mom. So basically I left and put myself in my own jail. I was running from the drug and my husband who I still see as meth. He was the one giving it to me so I ran far away from him cuz even to this day I associate him with meth. So I stayed in an apartment and had good support through the first part of my recovery. I had to stay away from my home town where my kids were and my husband. I HAD to do this and I HAD to do it alone. My husband still doesn’t understand why I left to get stronger to say no. The first 7 months of recovery I was STILL acting crazy and now have settled down a bit. I rely on only myself through this. I couldn’t trust anyone and felt my family was after me so I had to bring myself back to reality cuz the stuff messed me up bad, and I only did it for 3 years. So I come back after a break down and a visit from the holy spirit. My life had become unmanageable because of my numerous addictions but mainly from meth. So now here I am 15 months clean and back to sanity. I got back with my husband but I’m glad I stayed away cuz he was still using and still drinking two things I had quit. He had told me he no longer does either but those were lies. Now I have been in about 4 different situations where I have been exposed to it and I said no. Even around smoking it which was my fave. I still didn’t touch it or want any of it knowing what it does. So I’m exposed to it and still say no. And of course it’s always my husband who gets me put on these situations. I have been strong enough to say no but keep getting put in these situations and afraid one day I’ll relapse. After many unsuccessful talks with my husband about the drug I know I’m going to keep getting exposed over and over. I’m saddened by this it really shows me he doesn’t care about my sobriety at all. He not once has told me he was proud of me and the good job he occasionally tells me doesn’t seem sincere. I left him cuz he represented the drug he is my meth. Now I’m trying to prove my sincerety on being sober and being better but how do you get a dope feind to understand you? I can’t. My life was easier when I was away from him. I was happy. Now I’m sober I have constant feelings of sadness cuz I’m not understood or even taken into consideration that I don’t wanna be around these ppl and it’s NOT cuz I feel like I’m better like keeps getting told to me it’s cuz I know what it’s like to be trapped by this horrible drug and don’t want to see others that way…trapped by a drug. Idk how I can keep doing this. The days of sadness and feeling misunderstood is slowly draining me. Constantly stressed and worried is gonna kill me early! Any advice? Thanks in advance!


Is it possible to move away with your kids? They deserve sober parents. You deserve a sober life and the fact that your hubby keeps using and denying you a safe place is unacceptable. What is it thats keeping you there?


I agree. You can’t and won’t ever convince another human being to become sober. And addicts want addict friends. If you took the kids and left before, can you do it again? You need to leave that life and people who use to better yourself for your kids. Your husband will only become sober if he wants to, not for you, that never works.

I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope you find help. 15 months is fucking amazing, and I don’t know you, but WOW, I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!!! :purple_heart: :hugs:

Keep it going, you have a good life with your kids ahead of you. You’ve done a lot of the hard work already, please keep going!


Id say definitely either he needs to go and get help and if he doesnt you need to go with the kids. You need to intervene here now you are the clear minded parent you need to take control back of the situation.
If you read your message over it seems clear the only outcomes all end bad with you staying together while he is using.
I know its hard to hear us say this, but remember we say it from a caring place and lots of people here have been where you are, we are not judging you, just trying to give you the support and answers your asking for.
You have done amazing 15 months, and you can see the next part of your life that needs organising and thats a settled home with your kids.
There is support out there to help you and the kids, as you are now 15 months clean you shouldnt worry about asking services to help you and the children be together away from drugs. You probably could do with the support so your not alone and this way it may be the wake up call your husband needs but you have to put the kids first now you have healed to a good enough place to protect them :hugs::hugs:
It wont be easy but it will be worth it. I cant see any happy ending here unless you step in and make that change.
You can do this, you have already shown how srong you are you just need to take this leap and put your children and you first now.
:purple_heart::purple_heart: thinking of you.

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