Stay strong you.
My thoughts are with you!
1 Like
Oh Kelly that’s heartbreaking. The betrayal, the selfishness, the thoughtlessness - there are no words.
You have your sobriety still. You own that. You have your dignity in spite of the betrayal. You have your self, which is deep and rich and powerful. I don’t know what she will do but I do know for now, she is caring for herself and making sure she has what she needs in space and time, to understand what happened and what she needs to do.
Take care Kelly. Take care 
3 Likes
Hope, you had a decent night and a good sleep. I send you good vibes and pray for you. Concentrate on yourself and your sobriety. And please allow me to say: Your husband’s behaviour is absolute shitty, independent of what or how he cared about “drunk you”, as you mentioned. So sorry you are through all of this. God bless you 
3 Likes
I’ve been here. Right after I started dating my husband I found pictures of his coworker on his phone. At first he denied it but eventually came clean. I considered forgetting about him right then and there. We were able to work through it but it took a really long time for me to trust him again. Do you want to be able to trust your husband again? Do you think you can? Does he seem remorseful at all? Those were questions I had to ask myself at that point in my life. I’m so so sorry you have to endure this. It’s one of the worst feelings ever. I’ll be thinking of you as you work through this. And sending huge hugs your way! You’re a rockstar for not picking up a drink.
3 Likes
Sending big hugs 
, how devastating, sorry his actions doesn’t show that he cares. I am glad you didnt drink and didn’t allow his selfish behaviour get the better of you. Cheats always downgrade so don’t think think these other women are any better than you. Cheats are good at blame shifting and will use manipulation to make them look like the good guy. Allow yourself time to heal, it’s a very painful experience and the journey to recovery will be a rocky road. Do what is best for you and your children. You have shown what a strong and determined person you are and staying off the alcohol proves this. Hope it works out for you 
3 Likes
I’m so proud of you for staying sober during the most difficult time of your life. You are one powerful and strong lady. Keeping you in my prayers.
2 Likes
Just wanted to say I’m sorry you’re going through this. Please do not allow yourself to feel that your addiction justifys his cheating or is a reason for you to look past his behavior in any way. You are making a living amends for those 10 years one day at a time with your sobriety and you do not deserve to be cheated on just because you used to drink to excess. On the contrary, your bravery in confronting your alcoholism should be commended and the people who love you should be offering their support.
You deserve the best sober life you can possibly have. I hope it finds you soon
2 Likes
I have no idea what I really want. I’m a roller coaster of emotions. Most of me wants to stay but then I starting talking to him, get angry inside, and want to leave.
2 Likes
Hello @Here.I.am, I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Your story really got to me, even discussed is with my boyfriend last night. How horrible to find out the person you’ve been building your life with was not all in and had been relying on a secret outlet (for what?!) and one that’s so hurtful to you. And then are being unable to deal at all with the havoc they cause. Just what a fucking no-show from your husband, father of two, in every way. There are no words.
I want to say how amazing it is you’re keeping sober through all of this! I really admire you’ve not wavered or flinched and for ALL the right reasons. Becuase you need you now more than ever. Stand by yourself. You also have lots of poeple rooting for you here and offering help, myself included! All the best!
3 Likes
@Faugxh thank you. I really appreciate it. I am all over the place. See what the weekend brings I guess. He totally does not get why I can not be OK with him being sorry.
Thank you again for your kind words.
1 Like
10 Likes
Give yourself time to process and decide. You have a life together. It won’t be a decision you can make overnight and it stings a lot at first. The right answer will come to you.
3 Likes
The in between spaces of life can be so incredibly challenging. We want clarity, focus, decisions, a plan. Yet we need that time to help our nervous system calm itself, to get the chipmunk in our head to relax, to center and hold space for what comes next.
You are doing all the right stuff @Here.I.am. Feeling your emotions, questioning, reaching out, all normal reactions and functions during a time of upheaval.
You may feel all over the place and even BE all over the place, but that is part of the process. These challenges do take time and sitting in the stew is uncomfortable, but you are doing it.
Again we are reminded of one day at a time. Sending strength and high vibrations your way. Do know you have a lot of people caring and holding space for you.
Keep up the great work!!
5 Likes
That is awful, so proud of u for staying sober. I am sure u are feeling so many emotions, and feeling those emotions is important although painful. I can’t imagine what I would do in that situation. I think u need some time to decide what to do next. Sorry is not enough. He needs to make amends, changes, for u to even try to get over this. In the short-term, use his toothbrush to clean the toilet?
5 Likes
why didn’t I think of that.
2 Likes
Hang in there.
The only piece of advice I can offer is to remember that you don’t have to react. Sobriety has given us the ability to pause before acting. Listen to that still quiet voice that comes to you and when you can’t hear it or can’t feel it and have no idea what to do, do nothing. Allow HP to do what HP does when HP does what HP does, and the action will come.
So many times I feel the roar of having to do IT right now. NOW. That is precisely when I need to pause and allow HP not raw emotional reactions to guide me.
7 Likes
That’s good advice, Goat. I never was able to master that.
I always admire people who have restraint in situations as this. Probably why I’m alone in my golden years. 
3 Likes
I am sorry to hear you are going through this stuff, I know it is a difficult place to be and I can relate to the back and forth on the leaving thing.
At the end of the day, your actions etc will be up to you. I hope you can get your mind in a decent place to process everything and do what is best for you.
Sobriety has been my best friend when it comes to clearly processing difficult situations lately, so as tempting as I know it is, this stuff is all the more reason to keep your mind clear and sober.
I have used the forum to vent as well, it is definitely a little therapuetic and you get some good feedback and support! There are always people around on here if you need to vent!
I wish you the best in this difficult situation, and hope the self focus gets things heading in a good direction for you ma’am!
1 Like
Think this through rationally now and just take it day by day. Read, listen to some YouTube, exercise, meditate. Don’t force these decisions because a bad outcome will happen. Cool off for a bit longer, then try to talk to him. All the while maintain that rock solid discipline that you’ve been striving for in your Sobriety. That will keep being the Foundation for everything that you do and you will keep being better for it. Keep venting here as well. You see all the support and love!
1 Like