I have used alcohol since a very early age to help me talk to people. Without it I get wrapped up in my own thoughts and insecurities and it makes it extremely difficult and unsettling to talk to new people. Any advice on how to get through the simplest interactions, sober, without feeling like i am spinning out of control?
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You’re not alone in this, I’m the same way. I have no advise because I have yet to conquer it myself. But be reassured tons of people struggle with the same. Social anxiety is almost as big of an asshole as alcohol is.
What context are you struggling with the most? Being at a casual gathering, going into the store, meeting new people… like what specific scenarios are the worst?
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My advice and what has worked for me is start by going places and speaking with people that you have no obligation to stay at. Just out in public and chatting with people, so if you get anxious you can fight through it or simply just walk away and take a break. This can help build you up to be ready for social events where you are kinda stuck and can’t just walk away.
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My daughter and I are both working through this with a therapist. It’s helpful, but it’s work and not a magic pill.
I have it too. Haven’t “beat it”, but staying away from alcohol and forcing myself to practice has helped big time.
A small step I’ve taken is to start introducing myself to people at work that I see all the time, but never actually directly work with or meet…just people i see “around”. It actually feels great when I can get myself to do it, and it hasnt had a negative outcome once. The sense of accomplishment I get from that small thing actually brightens up the rest of my day. Think about ways like this that you can slowly stretch yourself a bit. I’m nervous as hell when I’m doing it, but it feels great after!
I have a wedding to go to in a few weeks…THAT will be tough, weddings are my nightmare in the social anxiety context…but I’m really going to try and get out of my comfort zone.
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I struggle with this too. I think most people do, honestly, but don’t want to admit it. We all want to be liked/accepted and in my unprofessional opinion, that is a big cause of this. I find that forcing myself to make eye contact and slow my roll (I can talk way too fast) helps. Also I agree that doing this in a setting where you know your time will be limited helps. Also I try to remind myself that most people really aren’t out to judge you, despite what is built up in my head. It is gratifying once you find yourself relaxing into a conversation. Take it slow and know you’re not alone; likely the person you’re talking to has the same reservations. 
. This too takes practice!
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I also started using alcohol to cope with social anxiety when I was about 15. Worked really well until it didn’t - I’m new so I can’t share a lot of wisdom, but I’d love to join the discussion!
Last week I went for dinner with a group of new people, while being sober. My hands were shaking, I felt dizzy, just like when I was a teenager. But I just stayed and sat it out (running out in panic wasn’t really an option for a grown woman lol). After a while my brain realized I’m not in danger and I started to feel more comfortable. Flight mode went off. I was pleasantly surprised and maybe, just maybe with some more exercise we will get used to it? If I can make it trough that dinner, you can do it! 
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Practice makes perfekt! 
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Therapy and a light anti-depressant might help you.
I absolutely understand this - and did it for most of my adult life. As I’ve gotten some sober time under my belt I’ve realized two things: 1) my anxiety has improved exponentially after getting off the booze, and 2) I feel much more at peace simply being who I am in social gatherings. I finally figured out that I do great with one or two folks; if I’m around more I usually hang at the edge of the crowd and watch. And that’s finally okay with me. I no longer feel like I have to force myself to be gregarious. And if I’m having a particularly anxious day? I’m finally allowing myself to do the best thing for me and just send my regards.
That is exactly how I feel when trying to talk to people! It takes me literally years to feel comfortable around people and until then it makes me so uncomfortable to even try and talk to people. But, I guess it’s something we just need to practice
I am right there with you. But I know I cant use that as an excuse. I am trying to get into groups like hiking etc things I enjoy doing with the hopes of over coming some of this and doing things I enjoy as well. Good luck!
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Common interests definitely helps. Safe topic for discussion.
Yes it’s still a struggle as taking that first step I feel very awkward and am very quite coming off shy. But I have always struggled with talking to others. It’s not any better as an adult. But we all have to start some where.
I suffer the same battle. I’m shy in crowds. I’ve had to be around people drinking at events as of late too. One trick I use us to always have a refreshing beverage in my hand that non alcoholic and talk to the few other people when possible that are also not drinking, or moderately so. I try and talk about interesting things with
I feel you! After alcohol was the perfect solution for everything I never really tried to socialize sober in my adul life. Kinda sad, but I’m also kinda excited to see how I’ll do 
we can do it!
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One thing I do is to smile and make eye contact with people I see walking around my neighborhood or grocery store. Not in a creepy way, just in a friendly way. Also I speak to every cashier or worker or coffee barista I come across. At this point a lot of them know me as the lady who is always positive and happy. Haha, wish that was actually true. But this makes me feel way more in control of my environment and that makes things easier.
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Same for me too. I’m on vacation on my own at the moment (thankfully somewhere I have spent a lot of time so I know some people) but I’m meeting a lot of new people. I have a knot of anxiety in my stomach the whole time. But I’m happy that when I’m in bed after another slightly awkward evening that the only thing I’m cringing about is the fact that I was a bit quieter than I’d like to be. Way better than cringing about all the awful things I’d said/done/slept with! Breathing slowly helps - in for 6, out for 6, repeat, no one can see you’re doing it and it works. I think it gets easier!
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Hi! I suffered from debilitating social anxiety in my 20s to the point where I wouldn’t eat around new people because I would just get sick. Drinking did very little to help but then I wouldn’t have to eat because I was full of beer. Somewhere I picked up the book How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
Mostly it’s for sales people but I was desperate for some kind of help. One of the most important things I got from that book is that people are more focused on themselves than they are on me. All this self talk, worrying about what they think of me, well they’re doing it too. So if I can make the conversation about them (people love to talk about themselves, see I’m doing it right now!) then I feel fine. One other thing I got from the book was this: The greatest sound a person can hear is their name. Get it right and they will be pleased. Get it wrong and they may be miffed. I used to be “bad with names” which really meant “don’t care what your name is”. Since that book I make it a point to remember everyone’s name I meet, it is top priority. Wanna lose the social anxiety? Stop making it about you, start making it about them.
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That is great advice, make it about them. My husband is excellent with people’s names and I am always impressed when he says their name as he says goodbye because I was in a blur in my own head the entire time we were talking to them. I will definitely work on remembering names, thank you for this!