Today I am 43 days in sobriety. This is the longest I have been sober, in over 45 years. The hardest part for me is modifying my social habits. Its cultural, It is expected that I have a drink at family gatherings or even if I go out to dinner with family or friends. When I go to my in-laws, they hand me a drink, it’s a sign of respect. How do I say no, when it’s given with love. I know if I allow myself to have one drink, I will not stop.
Every week that goes by I crave booze less and less. But with a holiday around the corner, I will be gathering with family. I pray I have the strength to say no one more time.
On the plus side. For the last few weeks, I feel great. I can sleep through the night. I don’t wake up feeling like I was hit by a truck. I can think clearly. It’s totally worth it.
By saying lovingly, “thank you; but, I must refuse. Is there anything non-alcoholic that I could drink instead?”
Step on toes lovingly.
Some people have a difficult time getting to know the sober versions of ourselves. And, we have to maintain our sober boundaries daily. Unfortunately, you’ll have to learn to be okay with the uncomfortableness of saying no to them if you want to maintain your sobriety.
Ask them if there is anything else they could offer you. Have them be a part of your support!
And welcome to the community! I’m so glad you’re here!!!
No is a complete sentence, basta.
Ask you in-laws/family for water and tea, they will offer it with the same love and don’t have to guess what they can offer you. No explanation necessary.
First of all, you don’t have to meet your family. You can treat it as if you were sick. Your health is worthier than that. You can just politely tell them that you’re having health issues, or you don’t have the mental/social capacity to go to a gathering. All of that is true actually. You can also postpone meeting them later in the year, when your sobriety is stronger and when there is no holiday pressure, to show them, that you do care about them, it’s just not the right time.
You can also meet them while letting them know in advance, that you don’t drink, asking them not to offer you any drinks – that way you won’t have the pressure of saying no on the spot.
If you meet them, you should figure out in advance what you’ll drink. You can even bring your own choice just to be sure. And eat sweets (if you do) to take the edge off of the urges.
Also be prepared to be asked about the reasons why you don’t drink. Be polite and determined and just know: you don’t have to explain yourself, it’s not their business in the first place. There is a difference between honest openness and curiousity for the purpose of getting to know the other person and crossing the boundaries (passive-)agressively for selfish reasons.
If it’s given with love, they’ll accept that - if they don’t accept that, it’s not given with love.
Welcome Ritchie. And congratulations on your 43 days.
You’ve already got some great support here from some really good people. I especially like “No” is a full sentence. @erntedank I think we’ve all been through this.
And @Tomek knows about dealing with family and sobriety and love.
And sober boundaries wow! That’s huge! @ICanAndWill
Such a great thing we all need to have to be on a successful sober journey.
I love my sleep now. It’s never been so good. And I feel so great now. Keep playing that tape forward. Do you really want to loose all that? You do not have to go! One wise man on here said. You only have to go to your wedding and your funeral.
I think. Your addict brain is already planning a relapse. But you’ve taken a great first step. You came here and let it out and are getting support. Great move.
I got sober right before my 60th birthday. I was going to celebrate big time. But I came here and listened to all the support I got. And was I proud of myself and felt great when I was still sober the next day.
I couldn’t wait to tell everyone. I made it!
One thing ive come to learn is it isnt cultural or expected and not rude to decline.
That is another BS excuse we tell ourselves to rationalize it.
For me. Telling my wife im allowed to drink because most Australian men do. Especially tradesman. Work hard on building sites in the hot sun. Been at jobsites where supervisors would supply beers after work and tell her its part of the job. Its cultural and or im expected to have some beers with the guys then buy more for the drive home because why stop once ya start right?
Well its all bullshit. No one actually cares if you do or dont drink. Put the excuses aside. Sobriety is about you not anyone else.
Great work on the 43 days. Dont let the lies trick you. Keep reading around here. Lots of wisdom in these chats.
Idk I stopped worrying about what culture or acceptable to others and started doing what the hell I want. If people care that I don’t drink then fuck them. I learned real quick how to cut ppl off and do what I wanted
