I have a serious issue/hangup. How do i get my mind past apologies .
If i offend you, well … do i say I’m sorry you got offended
My tormentors used apologies as a way to become excused for the things they did.
Or how do i accept condolences that begin with “im sorry that happened to you”
I’m sorry for your loss
It just triggers me into anger and i know that maybe, just maybe the person means well. I can’t wrap my mind around this. I’ve tried really hard to
accept things i cannot change
Wisdom to know the difference
So someone please tell me, why do people comment “I’m sorry…”
My Heart needs training in this matter.
Please
9 Likes
I think the words “Im sorry” are often over used. I see people apologizing for everything and anything now a days and at times its not as heartfelt as i feel like it needs to be. I honestly dont have much advice on how to get past that hang up. I can absolutely see why there would be one if ur tormentors would apologize to excuse their behavior. Whatever they had done, u shouldve never gone thru that 
im hoping someone has some suggestions for u.
3 Likes
I say I am sorry when people share their experience as a way to let them know I feel for them and also maybe I have had a similar experience. For me, it is an offering of a verbal hug.
I don’t have any advice to share on getting over being triggered by it.
I also saw this the other day, a little different I think than what you are expressing…yet still worth a share…
10 Likes
I had the same question some months ago. I still struggle with this phrase. I now read it more like Sassy says it: giving some kind of virtual support.
I guess it’s also an issue of this online format where we cannot sit silent by people and just listen. It’s probably a form of being there. Acknowledging the things that happen. Sometimes I think it’s also my language limitations.
4 Likes
Only apologize if you feel the need to, not just because someone else feels entitled to an apology. Don’t drown yourself in guilt if you did nothing wrong.
2 Likes
For the most part, apologies are a way to express empathy and sometimes it’s a more tactful way of saying “that sucks”. For some , it’s used as a passive-aggressive way to excuse bad behavior.
Accepting an empathetic apology is as simple as saying “thank you”.
3 Likes
I honestly don’t know how else to respond when someone is hurting. I want to express that I feel for them and saying “I’m sorry” seems to be the only way I know how. What would you rather hear or read? My intention is never to trigger anyone.
6 Likes
This is golden, Sassy!
3 Likes
This hits the mark very closely.
The story that is hard to accept, for me, are the ones that people just throw out there. I see the relationship of the types of internal apologies that you shared. I do appreciate you sharing that.
I thank people for appropriate SORRYs. It’s just hard for ME to accept the arbitrary ones that seem like, i have nothing else to say.
So it’s often said “I’m sorry”.
Again, it’s something i find to be an emotional stressor and trigger.
My mom said im sorry it happened when she, as my mom, could have prevented the issue had she been around to protect me
My tormentor said I’m sorry for the things he did to me, then did it to others
My friend said I’m sorry, for something i learned they could have prevented if they had told me the truth, before my brother was murdered
My boss said sorry after he mistreated me. I complained but yet, continued.
My cousin said sorry when my dad died, then said you’ll deal with it.
Sorry, just didn’t do it for me.
Sometimes it even causes me panic, mainly because i get angry, and today’s society, an angry person is going to be crime driven. That’s not me. I just would like people to stop throwing out
“I’m sorry”
3 Likes
Thank you everyone. I’m just trying really hard. My anxiety is thru the roof now.
I tend to agree with the premise of accepting an empathetic apology.
I known sometimes it the only response.
I’m gonna work this. Thank you for your support
3 Likes
I would like if you reference that one question, so i can read others response and get over
MY hangup
Thanks everyone. I read and reread this whole set of responses
I’m starting my day better.
This is going to be a good week
2 Likes
Oh, I don’t think that I created a special thread for it. I am sorry.
I think these are recurring questions and we get a better understanding by being longer here. How I interpret things also often changes with my own mood and mindset.
It sounds like you are meeting these social triggers head on and working on understanding and healing your self in the way(s) that work best for you. I know for myself, sometimes naming stuff and putting it out there plants a seed of healing. Hope that is the same for you.
2 Likes
Like others have mentioned, I’ll say sorry as a way to express my empathy at a shitty situation. Where nothing can be said to make things better, and you just want the other person to know that you understand how crap things are, you’re there for them, and want to offer a shoulder to cry on or an empathetic ear.
I had no idea this could be a trigger for some and your post has made me reevaluate my use of the word. I use it a lot, probably too much now I really think about it. Your comments make a lot of sense and I can see how you would find that painful, and how it could cause anger in certain situations.
It’s great that you’re working on how you react to the words of others, but you’re absolutely entitled to feel the way that you do. I guess it’s just about finding that healthy middle ground. Peace to you @J_Lo_Ste 
1 Like
I’m working on that. I totally get that sometimes, maybe often, i do draw my own conclusions about those " I’m sorrys"
I don’t feel entitled, i don’t want to twist it up either
I just get frustrated. Still sober. Still here. Thanks everyone
Wisdom to know the difference
2 Likes
Tell me how do i close my ears off so that i can’t hear sarcasm. I heard it in a meeting and i was so triggered, i couldn’t contain myself. I mean, i didn’t act in my anger, i held it in, and i was so upset i had to leave.
Ah, well, frrrt, here i go again
Hey, glad to see you back again! I see you are very self aware and are able to name your triggers and where they come from. That’s huge! Where I see you stumble is that you can’t get over the trigger and maybe it’s worth examining what thought patterns keep you stuck on the other side of that hill.
Something about the way you keep referencing past wrongs and hurts to your person leads me to believe you are ruminating and nursing those grievances and your triggers will control your emotional state until you realize that what happened in the past can no longer hurt you.
Of course I don’t personally know you or your story and this is a shot in the dark so you should speak to a licensed therapist.
I’m in therapy. I do have problems with arbitrary sorry. Those are the worst