Hi guys. Just some advice for people who are new to their recovery journey.
1.Stick with it.
It will be so good for you in the long run. You have no idea how strong it will make you feel which will in turn develop positive feelings within yourself. In the midst of my drinking problem I felt like a selfish, angry and hostile person. Because I was. Don’t get me wrong, anger never goes away completely. But every self destructive behaviour I have given up has made me stronger and has put me in a better position to work on my self. Working on myself has allowed me to be more compassionate towards others and finally understand that I myself caused the strength of my anger. Trust me, when you rid yourself of your DOC, your judgements and perceptions won’t be clouded any more and you will gain some insights.
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Do what you have to do.
If you feel that you would benefit from going to meetings and you feel in your gut that this is what you need to do to keep motivated then just do it. Don’t see it as a sign of weakness to take help, you need to make this as easy as possible. Ok, I have abstained from alcohol for nearly three years but within this period I started smoking weed and this eventually formed a habit which created the same sorts of problems for me i.e selfishness, irritability, depression. I can’t help but think that maybe if I did go to meetings in the beginning perhaps I wouldn’t have strayed as I wouldn’t have felt so alone in my situation at that vulnerable stage. I probably would have taken advice from people who understood me. To me, the off putting part of meetings was that I thought I would be expected to attend them for the rest of my life. Even now, I would find this unhelpful as I’m at a stage where I hardly think about it anymore, I don’t feel as if I need a constant reminder as I know within myself that I just don’t drink anymore. I’m teetotal and I hardly ever think about it it’s just simply not a part of my life now. There is a good organisation called Smart Recovery who allow you to attend their meetings until you feel you no longer need them. I used them to give up one of my self destructive behaviours and they have online meetings and work sheets to help you plan for the future, realise what your triggers are etc. You can also do a free course with them which is only a few hours long and it helps you to better understand their theories. Don’t make this too hard for yourself, accept some free help. -
Don’t worry too much about all the chocolate you’re eating! I ate a lot of chocolate after I stopped drinking and yeah, I did get fat. But I am now pleased to say that I have lost that weight and if I could go back to the beginning of my recovery, I would eat it again. If I had deprived myself completely in the beginning I’m pretty sure I would have ended up reaching for the bottle. I’m not saying to swap your DOC for a sugar addiction, but don’t deprive yourself. Work on the appearance of your body later. You can’t be your idealised self straight away and no one worth knowing will expect you to be perfect. Recovery is hard. Work on one thing at a time, you have a better chance of success then.
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Exercise. Might seem like a bit of a contradiction considering the last point but I don’t mean do it to get skinny. Do it to improve your fitness, your strength, your mental health. Exercising releases endorphins which will make you feel positive. I used to think 'yeahhh…ok
’ when this was advised to me as I’ve never been into sport and I hated PE in school. But it’s so so true. Just try it, gentle at first like walking or swimming. You won’t regret it. -
Don’t expect other people to do it with you.
This is YOUR hurdle in life. If you do it with someone else it becomes like a team effort and then if they fail, you’ll probably fail. -
Don’t get overly concerned with other people.
Don’t get frustrated with other people who are not taking your advice. Did you ever listen to others concerns about your destructive behaviour? Probably not. You had to come to that realisation yourself. All you can do is offer your support when they have reached that point. I have a friend who drinks too much. She has this cycle where she binge drinks, fights with her girlfriend, says she’s going to cut down and is sober for a few days and then the cycle starts again. I’ve tried countless times to talk her into sobriety and she has acted like she is interested but gave it the ‘I don’t know what I would do instead’. I suggested loads of things she could do instead. Her doctor has offered to help get her into a rehabilitation programme. It’s taken me a while to realise that she has no intention of giving up the drink. This is her choice and she will only have herself to blame when she suffers the consequences. I am there for her as a friend but I will no longer pointlessly exhaust myself and I won’t talk to her when she is drunk. However, I will offer my support if she ever decides to change her life and I do try not to judge her as I remember that I once looked as hopeless as she looks. And remember, no one is better than you and you are better than no one. We are all just at different stages in our lives and have lived in very different circumstances.What is success for some, may not be for others. Society has this idea of what success and happiness looks like and we as people end up thinking that this is the only way we will be content. This is not the case and this ideology sets people up to be miserable. That saintly guy who has never drank or smoked may have never struggled with addiction in his life so he probably has the house, the car, the executive position. But you will gain an insight that he may never gain. You’ll be able to find joy in the small things in life and if you still want to live the dream, you’ll be in the best position to put in that hard work. Maybe the saintly guy loses his wife and takes refuge in a whisky bottle. You would be able to help him then. His success will now be based on staying sober. People and circumstances change. -
Don’t be stagnant. Strive for something. Whether it’s starting a course, making an effort to help others, running a marathon, improving your cooking skills, taking steps to be a better parent, taking steps to improve your mental health. It’s got to be personal to you. It’s got to be what you want - not your family, not your friends, not your neighbours. You need to look deep within yourself and find out what will actually make you YOU happy. When I quit drinking and started to do things to improve my life, I soon felt this feeling and realised that I hadn’t felt happy since I was a child. It saddens me when I look back now and wonder how on earth I lived like that for so long. How did I let myself stay in such a state of depression and confusion? People regularly underestimate the power that drugs and alcohol hold. You just don’t understand the extent of its damage until you’ve survived it.
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It’s not just the substance, it’s you as well.
You’re likely to just have an addictive personality. Don’t swap your addiction for something else. Don’t do what I did and buy weed whilst telling yourself it’s ok because you know now, it’s only the drink you have problems with and you’ll never get to that point again. Drugs and alcohol are sneaky, like a back stabbing friend who takes you under their wing and once you have gained their trust, they stick the knife in hard. I’ve heard this comparison somewhere (probably on here) and thought I’d repeat it as it’s so accurate.
So there is some of what I have learnt. You can take it or leave it, I just feel like I have some kind of responsibility to share this with you. I know how lonely, confusing and isolating addiction can be. Please push on, no matter how hard it gets. Anything has to be better than your current situation. You will reap the benefits eventually and live a life that you never thought possible. Take care xx
That is very thoughtful and I am sure helpful for many members.
