Just want to say if you relapse, you did not lose or fail. Especially when you post here admitting it, taking responsibility. Here is a little motivational quote from Muay Thai that helps me 
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Dang! Them feels! Love this quote so much, I gave in today and starting day one again. So this hit home
I’m glad it helped. And there’s an old Buddhist saying “journey of 1000 miles starts with a single step” learn, grow, succeed!
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Be the change in u there u find the true power