The last 2 months have been so heavy. I can’t seem to find relief in anything I do and I just want to let go of trying to control everything. Have gone to my AA meetings and it’s not helping. Tried doing what used to be fun and it’s not fun. I find it hard to be intimate with the person I love. Just want to seclude myself somewhere nice and forget about everything, even if it means I might end up starting the whole cycle of self-destruction again. People have been telling me to talk to someone and I have been, but there’s only so many times I can keep repeating myself to people before I wear them out. I’m so tired. Help
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This was me at and after my year. Which resulted in a relapse which yes was a very self destructive and I messed a lot up. I hated myself and thought aww I’ll just restart except when I did restart there was no pink cloud or good feeling that first time. I went six months and relapsed again. I can’t say it was worth it. It hurt caused alot of harm, sure I had some good times in the relapse. But that’s the same with sobriety too. I’m glad you are catching these thoughts keep going plz. I’m sure there will be others with way better advice then me
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Stick with it, these feelings are temporary and dont last forever, you just got to keep pushing through.
You will start to feel better again
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I think when we drink alcohol we get used to artificial highs. Real life without altering substances stretches out endlessly in front of us and looks so boring in comparison. It takes our bodies and minds a long time to stop looking for the false/ artificial high. And it takes our bodies and minds a long time to readjust and be able to find joy and pleasure and get relief from simple everyday life. But if you give it time, it works. At least it did for me. I needed to recalibrate my system and my mind. There is so much that I missed while I drank myself stupid in dark bars because I didn’t know how to appreciate simple things.
A few basic things that help me change my mood: getting outside and walking. I walk everywhere in my city. It’s very meditative and a good way for me to pull my head out of my ass and look outside myself.
Yoga: this is fairly new for me but there are so many free yoga programs on YouTube. I find it very relaxing and a good way to quiet my mind.
Turning off the tv and either reading or listening to music. It’s amazing how tense I can get watching tv without realizing it.
Anyway, congrats on what you have achieved. I hope you’ll give sobriety more time.
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When i catch myself romancing the drink i find that I’m thinking about how it was in my real young days (early 20’s). I find that I don’t romanticize the last few drinking years because they were fucking awful. I always know that at 43 years old I’m a lot closer to 40 than 21.
At the end of the day you have that shit up for a real good reason. It wasn’t serving you, you were serving it. Best wishes to you and congrats on almost a year, that’s a major accomplishment
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Congratulations on almost a year, that is a major accomplishment. I’m sorry if things are hard right now. My major reasons for continuing in my sobriety is to avoid those numb days. If it feels like a mental health issue reach out or keep reaching out. I know that even my hardest sober days could only be made that much worse by taking a drink and the thousand that follow that one. Keep going until the path gets clearer. 
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I drank after being sober for a long time. It was a horrible decision.
Some things I have learned along the way…
The expectations are always better than the results.
I lose the fear and begin to focus on the good times I had drinking.
The good times are history. I couldn’t get them back.
Once I take that first drink. I may not make it back.
It’s the first drink. Not the 10th or the hundreds of drinks after the first one. The first one changes everything. All the work I did to get sober and stay sober becomes meaningless.
It’s way harder to come back than it is to take the first drink.
It wasn’t worth it.
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