Keep thinking about, wanting to go back to my ex who is a drug addict. Why do I want to go back? When I know it’s mostly heartache? He is a liar! I miss him so much or the good times we shared. I know they are long gone. But I have hope left, that once I’m clean he would want to get clean too. He even said you get clean and tell me how you did it and il listen to you. I know what he was sating was. Lies. But apart of me used what he said to push myself harder to get sober. Is this wrong?
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It’s early on for you. It’s hard to sort through all of the haze in your head. Don’t look for comfort in someone right now. Find the strength in yourself. That’s a process I know but once you find it you aren’t going to want to risk your serenity on a questionable situation. Frick loneliness is hard. It it is really tough on someone in early recovery because literally we don’t like ourselves. So someone showing attention to us makes us feel better. But it is a hollow experience. Once you get comfortable with yourself you will be ready to find someone or maybe try with your ex. It’s an oxymoron we have to be able to be alone to find someone (love ourselves to get and give love) but it’s true. Don’t look for an emotional crutch to a temporary moment of the process. Find something healthy to replace that with. Best wishes
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Let it be.
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Ive been in your situation before… I was in a toxic relationship, we were both using and drinking. We were never on the same page, i wanted to quit and he didnt, or vice versa. We never could get sober together and in order for me to get sober, i had to put myself first for once and leave… I can honestly say addiction took my relationship from me. But it was the best thing that could have happened at the time honestly. Looking back, i wasnt truely happy. It wasnt a healthy relationship when it came down to it… We would fight and sneak around using, and fight about who got more. We were both totally selfish in the end. Then when i did get sober, he specifically told me he didnt like the new me and wanted the old me back. What!!! Yea, the old me… I hated the old me and by getting sober, i changed for the better for once in my life. Wouldnt you think he would have supported that? I tried to get him clean but it never happened. He got me high before i got him sober, and thats the truth! So a relapse came very quickly when i did try to make it work. So i ended up becoming the old me very shortly after getting sober. But it never worked between us in the long run… Fast forward some time, im in a healthy relationship today that doesn’t involve drugs or alcohol. I’m getting married next year and incredibly happy. Give yourself some time sober to see what it has to bring…
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If you go back with this spun out loser, all on this forum will be forced to chide you to no end!
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I know how hard it is to be in your situation and my heart goes out to you. I can tell you from personal (and painful) experience, that if only one person in a relationship is clean, then the sober persons sobriety is in danger. Unfortunately, I think you are better off without him, but each day will get easier and easier! I am proud of you for staying clean and staying strong! You CAN do this!!!
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Thank you all so much! You didn’t have to reply but you guys did. Thanks for the huge support. I think it’s time for me to do something for myself and stay on the road of sobriety. I deserve the life that I want, even if I can’t see it yet. Thank you all again means a lot to me, your words of advice, wisdom and support. It is very early days for me. Dady by day. 
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Haha day by day.
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Freudian perhaps?
Sober and drunk brain battle it out while rational brain and rose-tinted glasses brain make it a tag match.
Don’t believe any of the bs you’re telling yourself. The ONLY thing that’s important is YOU, get yourself straight first, otherwise you’re guaranteed to throw all this effort away.
I have been right where you are. I tried for eight months to stop using and drinking and was unable to put even a week together. I felt so lost each day that would go by more and more I would feel like I was just crawling out of my skin and then back to it one more time. I’ve been sober many times before for length Lee periods of time but this time I couldn’t stop and it scared me. Then the series of angels God working through other people put people in my life and the obsession to route to use and drink has now since been removed. Not only do I make AA a priority in my life I don’t have any of the same friends I had before and I go to therapy once a week and I’m learning to let go of the emotions and the feelings and the pain from my childhood and past that I see now is what kept me loaded my whole life I’m now at 7 months and 27 days and I cannot tell you how grateful I am for the sobriety. There are times I think about having a drink smoking a joint smoking a bowl but then I think of the consequences and where it took me and I asked God to take the feelings away and I just let it go the obsession is gone this can happen for you too. Just always remember to keep coming back don’t give up no matter what.
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