What does space (both having and giving) look like to you, in a healthy relationship? And alternatively, what does clingyness and overcrowding look like? I have never had a good example of a healthy relationship, so the concept of “space” has never really made sense to me and is always confusing and complicated.
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Hmmmm … I’ve been with my husband for almost 15 years and married almost 12…
I feel like this is a wide ranged question … we give each other space daily if needed … like if we had a bad day and just need a minute to unwind by ourselves before we want to talk it out.
We also give each other space to have important friendships outside of each other, respectfully of course. I do a girls trip once a year with my best friend and he does a guys camping trip with some of his buddies.
For the most part our lives are pretty intertwined with our kids but we respect the need for space. We’ve also learned to communicate that so the other person isn’t guessing why or what for… if that makes sense?
Not sure if that’s what you were asking or if that helps?
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I’m struggling with this too… my partner says I don’t give her enough space to come to me with her problems but it feels like she never wants to talk to me at all. So I don’t know when I’m being overbearing or if she’s just disconnected to me
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Well in your situation, having kids, I can see why you would be spending a lot of time in close proximity with each other. And I agree that giving space to each other has a lot to do with trust and control. It’s healthy to not be controlling and be able to spend time with friends or take a trip on your own if you want to, and trust that they are okay to do so. How do you address having enough alone time in a day-to-day need?
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I feel like when you have to be your partners therapist and only ever able to talk and process their feelings, you’re bordering upon codependency.
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I 100% struggle with codependency:/
I’m working on it in therapy right now and reading “codependent no more”
It’s teaching me a lot but still having problems in my relationship
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There are several days we when we get home from work we spend the night watching tv together or talking… and other days one of us, usually me, will just say I’m tired and need some quiet time. Then I go to the bedroom, put my AirPods in and read or watch something on my iPad until I fall sleep. No hard feelings either way if we need a minute, it’s just kind of normal.
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For me, giving space means that I physically step away from my SO while she deals with whatever she’s dealing with (whether it’s work, moments of selfcare, processing emotions, etc.). Moreover, not only that I step away, but that I am okay to do so and willing to do it without resentment.
Getting space is the same as above, only roles reversed.
Clingyness, again, to me, is when you have the inability to function without being around or attached your SO and/or having your SO fulfill your basic needs.
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Interesting question. Thanks to my addiction and various mental conditions every attempt at a relationship before my husband was a toxic mess. I can think of a couple of exes who probably thank the Universe each and every day for escaping me. 
Even my husband endured some crazy episodes before I finally got my shit together. But he didn’t leave. They all left. Not him. That probably makes him crazier than me, but I’m eternally grateful to have him.
So I had to do a lot of work and spend years of therapy and eventually get sober to actually learn what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like. In terms of space, we’re both quite introverted and we both work from home. That means, we don’t have the weekday 9-5 time apart so we make time apart.
We have different tastes in entertainment, so neither gets offended when the other wants to watch something alone that they’re into.
My husband likes taking lone daytrips to local attractions and that’s fine bye. He likes going to the pub for a couple, but his favorite spot is a bit of manly dive bar, so he can go and enjoy that all by his lonesome. I don’t care.
We tend to eat separately while watching telly, unless we go out for a meal. It sounds bad, but it works. Family meals with my family growing up were an anxious nightmare because my dad always used the time to pick on me, insult me, and make me feel like shit. I like eating alone. It’s my chill time… ya know?
My husband hates the cinema, theatre and any other activities like that. So I go alone and he’s fine with it.
When we each need to be left alone, we respect each other’s space.
We also spend a lot of quality time together. We used to go for coffee and a dog walk in the mornings, but now its cold so we just chat for an hour or so after I wake up. When the weather resumes niceness, we’ll probably reinstate coffee mornings.
We also travel together several months out of the year.
We both love hiking and mountaineering, so we do a bit of thar whenever we can.
We also go out for a meal together every couple of weeks or so.
I think it all comes down to communication. We talk about each other’s needs and respect each other. That goes a long way.
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Will be married 30 years this July my wife and i travel alot together ,She has her painting and i have my guitar and Ps4 and my gardening but were best friends and i love snuggling up to her in bed still got those feelings , and i go to my meetings aswell
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