Just relapsed on hard. L@@king for community positivity. I had over 6 weeks but found myself weak and unaccountable today and used.
The paranoia is literally just crippling to me after 7 years I truly want to not do this stuff again. All I want to do is lay in bed waiting for the cops to bust through the door. I know somebody relates it must be psychosis. I hate it but at the same time I’m glad because I’ve had this addiction for 7 years and for the first time I went 6 weeks without it
I once used for 12 years hard anything and everything I could get my hands on I quit for almost 7 years what helped me in those 7 years is I found a purpose. I held myself accountable every second of every minute of every hour of every day.
It’s also the choices we make that lead us to relapse and think that it’s the only thing that helps us or will help us.
Now almost 5 years later and 3/4 relapses I’ve learned that I am powerless over my addiction and yes I do need help every single day.
And hey that’s not bad considering I could be still using or worse not here anymore
So even though today really sucked and you had a weak moment (something we all have done) doesn’t mean you can’t wake up in the morning and try again learn from this mishap and grow stronger because of it