Spending my golden birthday alone this year. And feeling alone more then ever. Over 5 years sober. Does it ever get better?
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My birthday Last year was surrounded by friends and family. I drank because it was my birthday. Eventually everyone went home and I kept drinking and drinking. That was depressive and lonely.
This year I was actually on a work trip away from my family and friends during my birthday. Did nothing to celebrate but was exceptionally joyful that I wasn’t getting absolutely obliterated.
Im not sure what your mindset is. But the addiction has a way of persuading your thoughts or romanticising the past. Im no where near as long sober as you… but it rather be stuck on a deserted Island alone for my entire birthday with no phone and be sober then be surrounded by everyone i love and stuck back in that depressive cyclic drunk state.
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Happy belated birthday!!!
You are not alone, many people spend their birthday alone.
I quote what i recently posted on another thread on the topic.
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Happy belated golden birthday! ( I just learned what a golden birthday was earlier this year, it was my youngest son’s golden birthday too. Mine has LONG past before I knew it was a thing lol ) I’m approaching my 40th in a couple of weeks. I actually want to spend it alone but my very social husband has invited some friends to join us. All I want this year was to go camping and hiking. Now we’re camping and hiking with our friends and their kids too. It’s not what I wanted but I’ll make the most of it anyway.
With all of that said I think you need to make it what you want it to be. Not just your birthday, but every day. Being alone can suck. Being lonely really sucks. But it doesn’t have to. Being alone doesn’t mean you have to feel lonely. I used to think that it did. I never liked being alone until I had a husband and three kids, and boy do I miss those days I could be alone. As I’ve aged I realise I do like being alone, and surprise, I’m an introvert. Drinking and societal pressure made me think I wasn’t or wasn’t supposed to be. Truth is, I have like two friends because I only want two friends. Socializing wears me out.
I don’t know if any of this is true for you, but it’s my own slice of experience in life. Once I realised all of this about myself I stopped feeling lonely so much. Of course sometimes I still do, but not like I used to feel. And when I am feeling lonely I can get on groups like this and feel better. I can call at least one friend and feel better.
Life is like that old Harvey Danger song lyric… ‘if you’re bored then you’re boring’. I’ve translated this to mean that life is what I make it. If I’m lonely then I’m the only one who can fix that for myself, and I’ll have to find a solution that works for me.
I’m seven years sober this year and yes it does get better, but not every day is a win. Not every birthday is magical. Just roll with the punches and learn what you love in life and love about yourself as a sober person. Figure out what you really wanted this birthday to look and feel like and then do that the next chance that you get. It doesn’t have to be your birthday to feel special. Celebrate it any old day. Tell your friends your birthday sucked and you’re throwing yourself a golden birthday redo and then plan what you want it to be and do it. Do it next week or next month. It doesn’t matter when it is because it’s your life and you can do what you want whenever you want.
I hope you feel better 
and happy belated golden birthday!
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@Tonk38 How are you today?