Spilling the beans


I’m now home after sharing my story with those currently in the rehab I went through. On the drive there I told my wife keep an open mind. I had her sit beside me as I shared and mentioned many times how strong she was during my recovery. Before I knew it I had spoken for 55 minutes and after I finished, my wife spoke right up and shared the other side of addiction for 10 minutes. She encouraged the group to give her phone number to their families so she could help them if needed. I felt so high on life after that. No bombshells were delivered and I’m so happy I brought her with me.

About a month ago I volunteered to tell my recovery story at the rehab center that helped me get clean when I hit my year mark and tomorrow I share my recovery story. I have no reservations of speaking to current and past addicts and I am actually looking forward to speaking. With that being said, I’m scared to death because I invited my wife to come with me. As soon as I invited her, I realized that she has never heard my addiction story. The cravings, the searching for and using drugs. The lies I told doctors to get more when I was out. Fortunately there are no secrets as far as bombshells, but she doesn’t know the lengths i went through to get them. I have fought the urge to lie to her and say they changed their mind and said only current and former patients can come. I know that this moment in my recovery is needed, and that I have to face it head on, but I’m still scared to death. I can speak to hundreds of Soldiers and other addicts in the rooms, but I am terrified of crossing this hurdle. Have any of you dealt with this and if so, how did you deal it?


I’ve not been in this situation, but I’d like to think that if I was, I’d tell my wife before hand that I’d be sharing some dark shit that she may not know about, and reaffirm that all that is in the past.

I’m sure she would understand, and while maybe shocked, I’m sure she wouldn’t hold it against you.

I’d even bet she knows more than than you think. :wink:


Good for you for sharing your story to help others!

It’s not something I’ve dealt with but two thoughts:

  1. Can you just give her a heads up and say you’re a bit nervous about her finding out some of the detail of this
  2. She may have some ideas or maybe even her ideas about what was going on will have been worse and it might not be a big surprise and/or a bit of a relief to find out what was actually going on!

I told her tonight to come in open minded and that she’ll hear what an addict mind thinks. I also told her that there are no hidden secrets just cravings and satisfying them.


The things you mentioned I just had a discussion about. I soaking this up like a dry sponge.

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Good for you, this may actually bring the two of you closer getting it all out. So glad you have her in your corner for support! :two_hearts:

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Its amazing your invite your wife alone … im sure she will be understanding just tell her there will be things u haven’t told her before but they r the past … this is your journey now and you have come so far … if u was my husband id be proud of u no matter what … keep looking at how far u have come x good luck x

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@Wunderbar I personally think she will fine your story fascinating. My boyfriend wants to know everything about my addiction and how the mind of the addict works. You could be pleasantly surprised-she seems like a huge support for you, this is your story and your past. You’re telling it to motivate others to stay on the right path. Good for you and good luck, let us know how it goes

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I love that she is coming and that you are facing the fears around letting her hear the details of your story. For me, my secrets really did keep me sick. As I am able to talk about all the darkness, I find myself becoming a little more free of its hold on me.

My guess is that this will bring the two of you even closer - and that she will love to hear you talk about the changes sobriety has brought to your life.

Please tell us how it goes!


I have dealt with a similar-esque kind of situation. It wasn’t a s/o but a family member who knew about my addiction, but like you, had no idea the depth and to what end. I, also like you felt feelings of nervousness and apprehension. It started out as kind of a struggle. Being open with someone you care for dearly about the darkest pits of your mind when in full blown addiction is scary. There is no if’s, and’s or but’s about it.
In my case, it took about 5mins of starting and stopping before I took a moment to calm down and realize the reality of the situation. I reminded myself, that the only way to get somewhere in life is to always head towards the truth. The truth for me in that moment was to recognize in sharing my story and everything I been thru. The good, the bad and everything in between that i in turn will be stronger. The person I care about will feel closer to me and that can only strengthen our bond. Will there be questions from your s/o? Maybe. It is possible however I doubt your s/o would intentionally do anything to make you feel uncomfortable.
This is an excerise in relationship building at it’s barebones for you and your s/o.

Stay strong, stay focused.


Tonight, I went to an alumni group that meets every Monday from 1800-1930. When my turn came to check in, I mentioned Thursday night’s speaker meeting. The was a woman at alumni that was also present at the speaker meeting. When I asked her if I was rambling during my story, she said absolutely not. She said it was a really good story and several parts fit her life to a T. It really made me feel better because next month I’m telling my story to another group of recovering alcoholics/addicts and addicts.