Feeling very disappointed today. I am 8 days sober and I, for the first time had a sponsor. Unfortunately, she messaged me this morning saying she can’t be my sponsor, she has decided that she is going to drink today. I told her I understood, that I hope she chooses to not drink. That is that. There was a reason I never got a sponsor in the past and that right there is why. So no sponsor for me again. Anyone else do sober living with no sponsor? If so what are some things you do? I go to this community, speak with my family and try and hit an AA meeting a day.
Thank you for reading my rant of disappointment
Happy sober living!
I do recovery with no sponsor.
4,5 year sober with the help of this app and the people in it. There are many roads in recovery. There is not a golden one.
What do I do? I come here almost every day to check in sober and to talk ore vent when needed.
I made myself a “sober plan” a kind of personal guide list to help me trough cravings and urges.
I will look it up for you.
Just a second…
Here it is:
No alcohol in my house for the first 3 months of my recovery
No alcohol related events for the first 3 months of my recovery (so no: pub, festival, restaurant, concert, etc)
Inform my family and close friends about my sober plan so they can support me and don’t offer me drinks.
Avoid the wine/beer section in the supermarket
Fill my refrigerator with healthy foods and alcohol free drinks.
Buy enough chocolate and sweets to eat for when I have cravings.
Look for activaties and hobbies to fill in time. Like walking in nature, run, reading, watch Netflix, listen to recovery podcast (recovery elevator is a good one ), work out, gardening, studying something new, etc.
Reduce social media to protect myself
Getting a day counter on my phone and smart watch to focus on my amount on sober days.
Getting myself a sober peer group to support me in my recovery like TS ore AA.
Getting myself a meditation app filled with breathing exercizes and meditation. (Insight timer for example)
If I have cravings I try to find out where they come from using H.A.L.T
If that won’t work I come to TS and talk about it. But sometimes just reading all your stories help
I used a vitamin B complex supplement to get more energy during the day. Also I used a melatonin supplement to help me with my sleeping problems in the first few months.
Celebrated every milestone! I gave myself a small gift like cake ore a nice t shirt ore whatever to celebrate my effort. At least in my first year I needed that! And gave myself a big gift when I reached my one year: a big back piece tattoo!!
And last but not least: make it as small as possible. Focus on today. Today is douable! If you do that day after day you will get that long sober stretch.
I don’t have a sponsor. I am on this community, journal, and also do the affects therapeutics app (it’s awesome). Sponsors aren’t perfect people, they are addicts as well, but it is hard when heros fall. I am so sorry.
Thats soo unfortunate about ur sponsor. Im sorry u had to experience this. I know that for myself, i had gone thru a few sponsors before finding one that was the best fit for me. It took some time bcuz some had gone out, some of them had personalities that really clashed with mine. I had to eventually take my time at a certain point with finding a sponsor. I didnt just get anyone. I really listened during mtgs to see how they spoke and if it was recovery focused. And they needed to have at least 5 years clean and sober. I needed a sponsor with some time under their belts. Someone that walked and talked recovery. My last sponsor was someone known as a Big Book Thumper lol bcuz she knew that book inside and out
I currently dont have a sponsor but i had been in the rooms for over a decade and had learned alot from the sponsors i did have. I think sponsorship really set the foundation for my recovery in the sense that they took me thru the Big Book, therefore taking me thru the steps. This is where I developed my Higher Power which is now God. This dependance on a HP has been crucial for my recovery this time around and i couldnt have got this fad without it. I learned alot about myself and about addiction thru the Big Book.
I know its very defeating having a sponsor cancel on u but at the same time this opened the door for a new future sponsor/sponsee relationship. Is there anyone in the rooms where u want what they have (recovery wise)?
Alot of what i do today (as someone in recovery without a sponsor) is a mix of what i had learned in rehab, meetings, sponsorship, and here on TS.
That sounds like a challenging interaction at 8 days sober, which you handled quite well. Congrats on that and on your 8 days!!
My recovery hasn’t included a sponsor (I am not in AA), and if you are looking for additional suggestions and resources to add to your sobriety toolbox and AA, maybe some of what has helped me might help you.
My recovery plan over the years has included…
Being a very active member of Talking Sober. I have consistently been on this forum for years of sobriety. I strongly believe that sober community support and connection are vital to healing ourselves and sustaining sobriety and recovery and building a healthy and healing new life.
Over the years I was also active in these online communities…
Reddit r/stopdrinking
Women for Sobriety (WFS)
Soberistas
She Recovers
Additionally, my recovery has included…
Putting myself to bed early and often in the early days.
Eating a lot of sweets and then after a year and a half, quitting sugar and processed carbs
No wine in house
Journaling
Hot epsom baths or soaking in the hot tub (especially helpful when anxious)
Eating clean / drinking a LOT of LaCroix, now I drink tap water
Reading and rereading a LOT of sober memoirs/novels …see my list here…
Keeping a list of how I want to live my life/what sobriety offers…I keep it on my phone and when I start thinking, hey, maybe just one glass of wine, I read my list and remember how desperate and unhappy drinking made me. Here is some of that list…
No hangovers ever!!
Treating my husband with respect and no drunk fighting
Self respect gets a major boost
No more internal conflict about drinking and if/how can I cut down or stop
Restful restorative uninterrupted sleep!!!
Major pride in myself and all that I have and can accomplish
A sense of peace and calm
No more embarrassment and shame because of my behavior
Forgiving myself for past mistakes and terrible judgement
Letting go of blame and shame
No wondering what I did or how I hurt husband or others while drunk
No treating people I love, including myself, poorly while drunk
No drunk driving and possibly hurting self or others or jail
No upset stomach from drinking
No anxiety and near constant agitation when hungover
No dark suicidal thoughts
No blackouts ever
No overwhelming shame at my behavior
No oversharing with strangers while drunk or making plans I will need to cancel
Not having to check my phone in the middle of the night to delete social media posts - no drunk texting/emails/posts/calls
Not be bloated and puffy and look haggard
Major pride in myself and a boost in self esteem
No hangovers ever again
No more excuses or lies
Peace of mind
Most importantly, I never stopped quitting AND I found this app when I needed it most.
That’s a really unfortunate experience. Please keep going to those meetings.
As for me, I’ve been very active in my local AA and am just now getting a sponsor to work the steps. That did NOT stop me from calling another alcoholic or sobriety buddy every day, attending many meetings a week, and reading sobriety literature including the 12 & 12 and the Big Book. Don’t let this derail you. Call someone else from the group and keep going!
Yeah, that’s rough and pretty strange. Not unheard of, but unfortunate.
I do have a sponsor and work the program. Dunno how one does the steps without one. It’s a potent reminder that only one person is responsible for my recovery and that’s me. Still, sad to hear when something like that happens.
Fortunately steps and a sponsor are just a part of it! I also have this forum. And found lots of good meditations in Insight Timer and Calm apps, too.
A reasonable exercise regimen helped. No replacement for working recovery, but the discipline and good health went a long way to reinforcing it. Something about feeling my body working through the “pains of gains” is a sobering, physical reminder of how it feels pushing through all the mental, spiritual and emotional healing. And rewarding!
I am definitely not going to be relapsing, the steaks are to high. It was just very disappointing. I understand that everyone is human.
I really enjoy this community it is very helpful for me to read, even if I don’t post.
Thank you all for the continuing support!
Congratulations on 8 days Christina. That’s really great. I definitely abused alchol in the 70’s and 80’s . Living in a coke blizzard in Miami will do that. But I was treated in rehab for weed/opiate addiction. I did not have a mentor for the first 8 months of my recovery. I feel fortunate to have found a mentor at my in-person Refuge recovery meeting. It’s a perfect fit. I read the advice here and it’s all excellent. I feel certain we all find what works best for us in our own time and sometimes through trial and error. Not everyone seems to need a mentor/sponsor but I felt I did when I started writing my first truth inventory. I also know that I need the support of a group. Besides TS,which is invaluable I have a meditation based recovery group that is virtual, and a Buddhist based recovery group virtual and once a week in-person. I just found a home group in AA that I like and also Al-anon( son-in-law is an alchoholic). I am really sorry you experienced this. But I agree that your sponsor like you me and everyone here is an addict too. Relapse happens it just sucks that you are just getting started and obviously serious about your sobriety. My daughter is a therapist and she shared with me that relapse is part of the model of recovery because it happens often. Not making excuses for your sponsor just trying to shine a light. Listen to the advice you are getting right here right now. I feel confident that you’ll find what works for you. Wish you all the best. I don’t know if this helps but I take ODAAT seriously and treat each day like day one.
I’m sorry to hear of your experience regarding sponsors. I haven’t had a sponsor as of yet, but was thinking it’d be good to link up with one to be able to talk openly. I rarely discuss alcoholism outside of this forum, but I did recently open up a little on the subject with a trusted person who’s in recovery and it felt pretty good.
It’s been over twenty months since my last drink, but I’m still struggling with admitting openly that I’m an alcoholic. Not sure if this is where a sponsor would help or not. I apologize, I think I brought more questions than answers.
Aww that sucks but dont give up! Not every sponsor sponsee relationship works out. Im on my second sponsor and shes taken me through the 12 steps and i feel human again but happier! My first sponsor i found online and she just ghosted me. Its best to go to in person meetings, listening, and being open with the fact you are looking for a sponsor. Find someone who has what you want (i.e. lots of sobriety, similar beliefs, positive outlook, hardass, etc)
I didnt have a sponsor until my 60days. Please keep trying
The only alcoholics I communicate with are online or in my AA meetings. I experience a big relief knowing I can admit to or say anything about my past and there’s someone there that gets it and has my best interest in sobriety!
I do not take that one anymore, I trade it for a multivitamine one.
But it has really helped me in the beginning of my recovery. Drinking is using a lot of vitamin B, especially B1 and B12.
I used a high dosed vitamin B complex to fix that deficiency.
Ive been sponsoring for over 30 years i take guys through the program 12 steps . i dont have a sponsor as such i use my guys who came in with me when i got sober in 86. my experience the steps helped me get my life in order and made me a better person ,but its a choice and everyone is free to make it , i had a driving instructor when i started to learn to drive .
), work out, gardening, studying something new, etc.
I am so sorry.
Congrats on that and on your 8 days!!