Hi all, new to the forum, 45 year old guy in Susssex, UK
I have toyed with the idea of eliminating alcohol on and off for a few years now and find myself at that crossroads again. I would really value some real life experiences being shared by people who were in a similar situation
I definitely have always had too much to drink. Ever since I was 18. I would say over the past 5 years though it’s become more a case of period of no drinking at all (I have stopped for 3 months before, but often weeks at a time) followed by binge sessions that lead to maybe daily drinking for a few days before deciding to stop again
I don’t like the binges, but I do like enjoying a drink in the sunshine after work with my wife for example, albeit she would probably have 1 or 2 where I’d be on my 4th or 5th by bed time. I do really enjoy that opportunity to relax like that from time to time, but I don’t like that it can lead to me doing it for a sustained period sometimes (days/week afterwards)
Has anyone been in that situation? If you stopped, how did you find things like those moments you would previously have associated with a drink? How about holidays abroad?
This has ended up not being a very articulate question! I guess I am looking to hear from people who weren’t ‘alcoholics’ - who didn’t drink every day for example, but instead more casual/social drinkers
What has your experience been?
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I think what you describe is the classical binge drinker in contrast to the level drinker. It’s not the case that one is an alcoholic and the other is not.
If you can’t stop yourself after one or two. If you persistently have more than you planned. Negative consequences. Try to stop and still drink. Try to “moderate” your drinking by rules - in your case you stop completely, also a rule - and then ofc the rules get broken - in your case, you start again. → all these are signs of problematic and alcoholic drinking.
The only criterium for addiction is motivation. If you’re using a substance or behaviour to change yourself, your mood, your memories, the way you feel, you emotional state, and you rely on it for that cos you have no other ways to deal w yourself and your life, you have an addiction. No one but you can provide an answer to this for yourself.
But what you describe is by no means casual or social drinking. That part was a bit funny 
What I had to do when I got sober, when I realised the above for myself and that I had now used the resource of drinking at my problems to its fullest extent and it wasn’t even helping in helping me deny reality anymore, I stopped. And I went the long but proper* route: started psychotherapy. Started addressing my issues.
Holidays and shit like that, yeah you gotta avoid whatever tempts you to drink. Until you learn enough about yourself to know you don’t need it anymore. I can go on holiday sober now. Weddings, death, whatever. I don’t need it anymore. And you also, have never really needed it and it’s not really giving you anything. Also not relaxation. Cos how much are you really enjoying that after work freedom and your wife’s company w five drinks, how present and rested are you, how quality is that time together? I’m sure it could be better. I was never fully myself on the booze. Cos I drank to avoid my real self. Cos my real self was in pain and conflicted. And that’s the case for any alkie and junkie.
Welcome to this place! There are a lot of helpful threads on hear, just 
the relevant keywords for you. Also:
Resources for our recovery
Good luck! Hope you find what you are looking for!
*Proper compared to throwing alcohol at my stuff. Not in relation to other ppls recovery journeys.
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You don’t have to drink every day to be an alcoholic. Ask yourself a question, Could you have just one drink and be totally content with that?
If the answer is no and once you start you can’t stop you’ve definitely got alcoholic tendencies and as alcoholism is a progressive disease it’s only a matter of time before we drink every day.
As for what did I do in certain situations… I learnt the hard way that if I felt my sobriety was at risk then I wouldn’t put myself in that environment. It’s hard but it does get easier and if you have people in your life who care about you then they will support your decision.
In the early days I was pretty much a selfish hermit but even last night I sat in a pub having a meal with my partner while she had a glass of wine and this no longer has any effect on me. Other people make the choice to drink and we simple make the choice not to.
Good to have you here and I wish you well on your journey 
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I recognize myself a bit in this even if my drinking pattern has changed during the last year’s while I’ve tried to stop multiple times.
I don’t drink so I’ll get in a heavily drunk state, because I don’t like the feeling of loosing control. But I like the first easy buzz. Most of time I stop there, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t drink heavily when I’ve relapsed, because I do want that buzz, every day.
So that’s why I’m here trying to stop one more time.
Wishing you the best of luck.
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Thanks for such an insightful & thoughtful response - the first I have had on this forum and its already opened my eyes to a few things…
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Thanks for the reply and for taking the time. Fingers crossed I come to the right conclusion (I know what the right conclusion is, I am just wrestling with accepting it) and am around to get to know everyone here a bit better
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Thanks for sharing your situation - sounds similar to mine. Hope to see you about the forum over the coming weeks and months
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Everyone is sharing great stuff on this thread. if you haven’t used the search feature yet, I recommend searching “moderation” as I did when I first arrived here. Truly eye opening and relatable.
here’s just one example: https://talkingsober.com/t/learning-to-be-a-moderate-or-social-drinker-unrealistic-goal
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Thank you - the example thread is exactly what I was looking for - articulates what I was trying to get across so much better than I did, and some great constructive responses
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In my opinion there is only one solution here and that is to stop drinking all together. If you think it is a problem and you’ve been unable to stop in the past then you aren’t going to get it under control in the future.
You can still sit and enjoy the sunshine with a non alcoholic drink.
Holidays abroad. Most places now sell non alcoholic beer and mocktails if you still want the taste.
You might actually find life is more enjoyable without alcohol.
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Welcome to the community!
Thanks for sharing your story and connecting with us all.
I spent the majority of my adult life drinking in a similar pattern, then suddenly without much warning my consumption got much worse quite quickly… then came here and started to try and reverse that.
I’ve come to see alcohol for what it is - a poison that can bring short periods of elation but which has a cost thereafter. Even with this knowledge it is sometimes hard not to want to roll the dice and enjoy, because to begin with it was enjoyable, then suddenly it wasn’t.
Good luck on your journey 
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We share the same story. I’m day 60 no alcohol and it has been the best 60 days of my life. Although, I’ve found out some hard truths about myself and it hasn’t been easy. It has absolutely been worth it though and it’s getting better every day.
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Congratulations on getting to 60 days, that’s fantastic. Also a great motivator to know someone with a similar story to me has come that far. Keep in touch on here and keep going!
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