I think what you describe is the classical binge drinker in contrast to the level drinker. It’s not the case that one is an alcoholic and the other is not.
If you can’t stop yourself after one or two. If you persistently have more than you planned. Negative consequences. Try to stop and still drink. Try to “moderate” your drinking by rules - in your case you stop completely, also a rule - and then ofc the rules get broken - in your case, you start again. → all these are signs of problematic and alcoholic drinking.
The only criterium for addiction is motivation. If you’re using a substance or behaviour to change yourself, your mood, your memories, the way you feel, you emotional state, and you rely on it for that cos you have no other ways to deal w yourself and your life, you have an addiction. No one but you can provide an answer to this for yourself.
But what you describe is by no means casual or social drinking. That part was a bit funny 
What I had to do when I got sober, when I realised the above for myself and that I had now used the resource of drinking at my problems to its fullest extent and it wasn’t even helping in helping me deny reality anymore, I stopped. And I went the long but proper* route: started psychotherapy. Started addressing my issues.
Holidays and shit like that, yeah you gotta avoid whatever tempts you to drink. Until you learn enough about yourself to know you don’t need it anymore. I can go on holiday sober now. Weddings, death, whatever. I don’t need it anymore. And you also, have never really needed it and it’s not really giving you anything. Also not relaxation. Cos how much are you really enjoying that after work freedom and your wife’s company w five drinks, how present and rested are you, how quality is that time together? I’m sure it could be better. I was never fully myself on the booze. Cos I drank to avoid my real self. Cos my real self was in pain and conflicted. And that’s the case for any alkie and junkie.
Welcome to this place! There are a lot of helpful threads on hear, just 
the relevant keywords for you. Also:
Resources for our recovery
Good luck! Hope you find what you are looking for!
*Proper compared to throwing alcohol at my stuff. Not in relation to other ppls recovery journeys.