I’m just over 60 days sober and feeling great. My husband still drinks - sometimes pretty heavily. I haven’t asked him to stop as he needs to come to that conclusion on his own, and I don’t think he sees it as a problem or wants to stop.
We are out of town this weekend staying at a friends house. He’s drinking heavily and it is very noticeable that he’s different. I used to be right there with him so I get that he’s oblivious to it. Now that I’m on the other side, it bothers me and I hate to think about the impression he is (and I was) leaving on the kids.
How do you reconcile this without coming off as judgmental?
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My AA cousin steered my mother and sister to a place to help them see what I was going through, not sure what it’s called. Hopefully, Someone that knows will read this and steer you in that direction.
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Thanks for the info. Just so I get it right, is the Al-anon for him or for me?
Congratulations on your 60 days. That’s fantastic.
Alanon work wonders for me when my kids were using. It took me awhile to find a meeting I liked but when I did I learned so much and I kept going back.
My wife still drinks but she is pretty predictable and harmless and we’re old and don’t go out much 
When we do she generally just passes out on the couch when we get home.
We drank together. A LOT, durning our first 37 years of marriage. January 2020 I called it quits with the drinking. We had a great talk about my sobriety and she supports me. But she going to drink. She’s gotten better since 2021. But still starts in on the wine every day at 2. I haven’t felt I need to go back to Alanon because I got some good tools from the past and now I’m applying similar tools with the support I get here.
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Maybe it’s time to share a little bit of what you’ve learned about sobriety. You’re right, he has to be the one to make the decision for himself, but it might help if he understood the “why” he drinks so much. Assuming that you’ve learned about addiction and the effects on the brain of course.
I share with my wife just about everything that I’ve found interesting and helpful for me in my journey. She still drinks and I don’t get in the way of that but if she’s educated more on the subject I think it will help. I can admit that if I knew what I know now I would’ve stopped a long time ago.
Congrats on 60 days!
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I still read Courage To Change Al-Anon recommended reading. I thought of you this morning.
…….Al-Anon helped me to accept the fact that, although I have no control over other peoples reactions and thoughts, I can change the way I react.
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