Hey, I currently have 132 days off drugs and alcohol. I have been in active addiction for over 30years and I am 43 years old. I have had bits of clean time before 60 days, 90 days but 132 is the most back to back days that I have ever had. Around 70 days the start of a relapse was in the air around 80 days I was committed to using. However by some miracle I asked for help, I got as honest as possible with my doctor. I told her that I have had anxiety, I was feeling depressed and I had thoughts of using. I needed to self medicate I thought but instead I allowed professionals to advise me on the medication and I listed. My doctor prescribed me Citalopram and I’ve never once in my 43 years on earth have felt so calm, so comfortable, I feel I am in my skin. I was lucky enough that I took well to this medication and I have since have had zero cravings, I stopped smoking cigarettes and I am eating better. I know longer feel any desire to use, I feel grossed out by using drugs. I also do not get stuck in shame and guilt. I can not do anything about what I have done because it’s done, I can only live a life that contradicts past wrongs and poisons. I know that everyone has a different story and I also know that I have just over 4 months clean time but damn I wish I tried this kind of medication years ago. I robbed myself out of so much by not being honest with how I feel and seeking help from professionals. I also thought that with my fellowship I would get connected, live with spiritual principles and boom all better. However I was still me full of anxiety, fear, sadness, negative self talk and bullshit.
I am hopeful for the future.
I wish everyone a content, comfortable and a joyous day!
Working with my doctor to find a good medication mix has made a big difference for me too. Happy for you 
