Hey y’all…so, I’ve been addicted to opiates for the past 11 years now (20-31 yo). I’m not gonna go far into my backstory yet because I just really don’t want that on my brain today, but I will say that my DOC is pills & method is IV.
Anyways, I am about 2’ish hours away from being 72 hours into the withdrawal, so that’s making me feel like I can start to see some light at the end of the tunnel - again. This is only the 4th REAL time I’ve attempted to get clean. My longest clean time, so far, has been 9 months (2016-17) & I’m still kicking my butt for throwing it away, even though I absolutely knew better.
But, new day, new beginning. I’m just SO sick of this lifestyle! I’m so tired of having to depend on & revolve my world around a freakin substance, a collection of chemicals, just to feel NORMAL. It’s ridiculous. Not to mention, SUPER expensive (I have to support both mine & my fiancé’s addiction). I just want to move on. I want my brain to move on. Why can’t I get past this like it’s just a bad flipping breakup? Ugh. However, I am proud of us for getting this far, again. I’m the one that’s really pushing to get clean, so I’m kinda mentally celebrating the small milestones. This is the first time in 10 months that we’ve tried to get clean, or even gone more than 15 hours without something - & it’s not because we couldn’t if we wanted to. He wants to get clean, too, but he seems to be having a harder time handling the cravings than I am. So, I’m praying that gets better for him, because if he goes backwards enough, I know where that will put me. And that’s not what I want.
I’m sorry, I’m rambling. This dang lockdown is making me semi-crazy. Even without covid19, it seems like meetings don’t exist in this city, & the few that do are just absolutely full of people that are not there for the right reason at all (mostly dealers looking for customers - how pathetic). So, I’m really glad I found this app & hopefully I can kinda use this as my “meetings”? It’d be nice to finally find people to connect with that are going through or have gone through the same.
Anyways, thanks for reading my gumbled mess lol. Hope everyone has a beautiful & safe day <3
