By the time I wake up I’ll be four days sober. I had done it before made it nearly a year. But then I got lost. I thought I could have just one drink. But it been 3 years of thinking I was in control. What lies I told myself. And it all came to a very eye opening experience. I can’t believe what I’ve allowed to happen to myself. I feel like I just quit caring about me. And continued making the choice to drink because it was the easiest way to hide the guilt and shame of not taking care of me. I had plans I had dreams I had hope. I know it will return. But I don’t remember the last time I took care of me. I know this may seem selfish and in a way it is. Make no mistake I continued caring for the people in my life, family and friends. But I feel like I walked out on me. Like I just gave up on my hopes and dreams and threw in the towel, walked away, saying “ you’re too much for me” to myself. I made many stupid choices. But Saturday night is the winningest one recently. I got a dui. (That was incredibly difficult to write). I can’t believe I’ve gotten to this point. I miss the old me that would have never made such a stupid choice. The only thing I can do is stay sober tomorrow and follow it up with another tomorrow and another. Hopefully adding up to a life of sobriety. But tomorrow is my only goal today.
It’s not selfish to take care of yourself. It’s a prerequisite for taking good care of others. Glad you’re back. One day at a time yes. Congrats on four days. That’s an excellent start. Thanks for the share.
Man, I feel this post so much. I literally feel the same way right now. On day 19 and hoping to find the version of me I liked and who had hope. I know he’ll return eventually but man it’s tough when you’re in the throes of it. Congrats on getting back on the horse. 
This is well written and I can relate to a lot of this. I did the hiding and the lying. Had a DUI when I was 21. No idea how I didnt get more.
What is your plan to keep alcohol out of your body? Do you have one?
The plan is to not put it in my body. I’ve got tons of books to re-read maybe they will sink in this time. And started walking more. And just handling what I can before my court date.
I’m glad you’re here @Leah3721. Well done for deciding enough is enough! You must look after you! Like others have said, if you don’t look after yourself you can’t look after others. Be kind to yourself. It takes strength to stand up and say no more. Good job 
