I’ve been on this journey to sobriety for too long. I’ve had some ok runs- and conistent- but have struggled to go for more than a week. I’ve learned a lot on here and has been motivating, but decided it’s probably best I go to meetings. I’ve never been to one but I’m not the type that get anxious in new or awkward situations. But I feel like I need to put in the work. I found a small church nearby that does them tues/thurs/Friday at 730… I’ve already caught myself trying to make excuses- like the boys (6 & 7) will already be asleep by the time I get home- but I know it’s the right thing and there are other nights.
I have an extremely supportive wife (married this summer after 15 years and 2 kids). I know it’s important to her- she worries about my health with the kids… about a year and a half ago I ended up in the ER with extremely high blood pressure… I felt like I was dying and never going to see my kids again. She has been sober from heroin for 6 years now and almost too understanding and patient with me- probably because she got in trouble in late 2019 and I raised a newborn and 16 month old for 9 months while she was in inpatient rehab. She loved the meetings and still goes back to do therapy there and drug test (nothing is forcing her).
So here is to my fresh start, including in person meetings. I’d tried online but just not for me personally. I also have the AA book in paper and audio- going to make a point to listen or read. Another change- or at least doing consistently- will je reading some verses and getting in the habit of praying again. I actually bought myself a rosary (I’m not catholic- but more as a reminder).
I’ve had an amazing year- I did some awesome things with work and my professional life and got a big promotion. I got married on the beach with my kids present. I was able to help my step son through his first semester of college debt free. But this addiction makes me think how much better that would all be if I was sober the entire time. I think of all the moments and opportunities I’m missing out on. I don’t want my kids to grow up seeing me that way.
So ending this year with a banger and one day at a time. I’ve learned a lot of my triggers (my boys fighting is up there!) but need to fins a coping mechanism like reading or something.
I’m planning on using this thread as journal. I read a lot on here but don’t write a lot.
Hope anyone reading this has a good night/day wherever you are! At least if tomorrow at work sucks it’s due to it being a Monday not from being hungover!