Starting over....again

I relapsed back in March at the beginning of covid when the world shut down, thinking it would just be that one time… 10 months later and I start the new year the same as I did last… with a bit of a hangover.
Now I wouldn’t say I have a major drinking issue but it’s more how it affects my mental health. I spin into such a negative depressive state with alcohol and it really just isn’t good for me. I have tried for years to justify my drinking and addictions but I’m not a good person when I drink
Here’s to my starting over again for who knows how any times. I hope this time I have the strength and willpower to stay dry
Thanks for always being a safe space for me to be able to be honest


“I have tried for years to justify my drinking and addictions but I’m not a good person when I drink”
Welcome you saying this is saying you have a problem.

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Glad to see you back again sweetie

Welcome back Sasha
Never stop trying to stop.
Hope to see you around.

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Soo good to try again. I slightly remember back when I still drank every night, trying to make away all these feelings I didn’t want to feel. I was so bad, smiling at work, functioning. But being drunk or hangover, planning the next night there was absolutely no time to get better. Well, I wasn’t really planning the nights. It was always the same. Drinking, crying, hoping to miraculously get better only to repeat the same old story the next night.


Me too pal pissing in the 2ind a am

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Being here much helps breaking that circle!
Read a lot, learn a lot, try a lot! :wink:
So…I’m glad you’re back!

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Welcome back. No time like today, to attempt sobriety.

Please read what you wrote here. Meditate on it, and let it marinate your thoughts. Inspite of your admission that drinking negatively affects your mental state, and your behavior, you don’t want to admit that you have a major drinking issue. This is a dangerous place to be.

Humans are the only species that can look death straight in the eye, and convince themselves that everything is fine. Psychologists call this “normalcy bias”. Addicts are masters at maintaining a normalcy bias. I know I was.

The danger I see is you haven’t decided what “rock bottom” looks like. You may admit that you have a problem with alcohol, but it’s not “major”.

I was much the same way. I refused to accept that I had a “major problem” with alcohol, inspite of all the evidence to the contrary. Wallowing in grief I refused to face, wracked with guilt over how things were, so withdrawn from life I was losing my family, I had to decide where my rock bottom was. I chose the place I was, there and then, rather than see if I had further to fall.

What does a “major problem” look like, to you? Where’s the bottom that will remove all doubt in your mind? You get to choose. No reason you can’t choose “here and now”.


Thank you so much for those words, a lot to reflect on.

I wouldn’t say I’m at rock bottom, that for me was a few years ago when I realized I was slowly killing my self doing cocaine by myself and in secret nearly every day. I didn’t even need to have a drink to want to do it at that point…: but I quit once I moved for work cold turkey and it was the best decision I have ever made. It was hard but I did it, and it’s been over 3 years since I’ve done any drugs. To be honest I don’t even know the exact length of time I’ve been clean from drugs it just sort of happened.

Drinking is a bit of a tricky one for me. I think I lean on it a bit too much, yes in an addictive way, I was speaking to a friend when they said… ‘but why are you stopping? I don’t think you drink THAT much?’

I’m an addict… but like I said I try to justify it … like I am fully able to have one drink without sprirling out of control… but if I’m ever in a sad or depressed mood then it’s atleast a bottle of wine or 2 …: with a few cocktails and my mental state for atleast a week after that will be boarderline suicidal. So yes. I am an addict. I am an alcoholic. And I need help to stop, so I’ve found myself here. My friends don’t understand and aren’t supportive…they’re the only people I have right now, and the only ones that I see due to the pandemic so I’m a bit scared of how I will go on and do trying to stop.

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Now you have us, the beautiful souls here at TS. Read, post, comment and like. You will find plenty of support here. There’s even a group here that meets via Zoom.

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Keep coming back👍