I can’t do this. I’ve started using again. I’m hopeless.
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You’re not hopeless, not at all.
If that were true, you wouldn’t be here reaching out to us.
When did you use, and what led up to you using again?
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I went to a meeting tonight too.
Keep at it. This is the best decision I’ve ever made.
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I just got overwhelmed by everything. The main trigger was getting denied from the college I really wanted to go to. It just feels like I can’t catch a break no matter how hard I try and I can’t handle it. What’s the point of trying when I’m so weak
Do it with me. We can do it together. Tonight I have hope. Last night, not so much. And the night before that I didn’t want to live. We can’t do it alone. But this app helps tremendously especially for all the odd hours because someone is always awake and available somewhere.
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Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I can imagine that was a tough pill to swallow.
I keep wanting to say things that I know are kinda trite. The truth really is in those annoying reminders that we’ve heard a million times before.
The point of trying is that the more you try, the stronger /better you get. You don’t have to be perfect, you just have to progress. That means, at some point soon, you decide to stop using, and you mean it. Then you just take it day by day.
With every decision, ask yourself "does this help me stay clean? "
Above all else, don’t give up on yourself.
The first break you’re ever going to catch is the one you give yourself. Take it from someone who tortures himself every goddamned day, IT DOES YOU NO GOOD. You fell down, and right now you’re on the ground asking yourself if you’ll ever walk again. The answer is “get up! You’re being silly. Of course you’re going to walk again.”
Keep coming back.
We’re here for you.
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How are you today?
What’s been going on?
I’ve been using again. I expierenced the worst worst WORST withdrawal of my life last night. So it looks like I’ll be starting over again and tapering myself off the drugs if I need to in order to help with the withdrawal.
I won’t go into detail on here in case of triggers, but if anyone wants to know please feel free to message me.
And while the withdrawals gave me a huge wake up call and motivated me even more to work towards sobriety, I feel horrible. Only because— of all the people I reached out to for help while this was happening— only one person actually cared and talked me through it, and amongst those that absolutely blew me off the one time I really needed them was the man I thought I wanted to marry. So that hurts like hell. But at the same time, I feel amazing. Because I’m strong as all hell for going through that alone.
I was really disoriented but I can clearly remember that I heard my family downstairs and told myself that I can either go down there and be honest; have my whole family know and never let it go; bring it up during arguments; watch me like a hawk and search my room behind my back… or I can suck it up, and prove to myself that I am strong enough to do anything, and do it alone.
So I did it.
And I never have to feel like that again.
I’m going to another meeting tomorrow.
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That’s a lot to unpack.
To be clear, your drug of choice is Cocaine?
Is that what you’re using at the moment?
Not anymore. I’m a poly addict, and I was using Xanax to help me sleep. That was what caused the forementioned withdrawals.
It sounds like this is going to be a defining moment in your life. Your current struggles are revealing who your real friends are. Once you commit to getting clean and admit that to your friends and family, then you’ll really see who belongs in your life and who doesn’t.
But that’s just it, you have to tell people.
The idea that you can do all of this, all by yourself; and then on top of it, patting yourself on the back for going - it - alone… I dunno, if you ask me that’s a recipe for disaster.
Sometimes doing things alone isn’t proof that we’re strong, so much as it’s proof that we’re stubborn… or afraid.
Please don’t attempt this alone.
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I opened up to my dad about the meetings, without going into much detail. And he didn’t judge me one bit.
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That’s great news.
How are you feeling today?
I feel amazing. More alive than I have in a while. It’s only day 3, so drugs still cross my mind often, but my mindset and attitude is totally different now. Instead of turning to whatever drug I think will fix my pain at the time or cover up my symptoms of mental illness (Xanax for sleep, cocaine to life me up on down days), I remind myself that I didn’t think that I would see the sun rise just a few nights ago, and that I’m lucky, and that feeling passed. This too will.
I hope all is well with you all!
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Aaw, that’s great!
Exercise has been a savior, for me.
Ravage the body to quiet the mind. (and get to sleep)
As for the down days, honestly, you’re entitled to have those. Let yourself move through them, as they will inevitably pass.
You don’t need someone else’s drug to fix yourself.
Just don’t pick up again and all the rest will fall into place for you.
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This makes me very sad. I will send you positive viibes and pray for you. Even if noone else wants you to quit or cares that you do…i do. You dederve to be happy.