Here I am again on a Tuesday dreading the work day and feeling an extreme depressive episode starting up. It used to only happen after heavily drinking. Now it happens any time I have alcohol.
I relapsed after just a few weeks (I am honest with myself I didn’t have a proper plan in place). Why is it so hard this time around?
Honestly, I have been here, and recently been struggling SO BAD with work and daily life that a drink would help me escape.
I try to imagine that I am feeling that “sinking” feeling when you drink or have a beverage. It is easy for me to just keep saying “okay… get through today, we will focus on the harder parts tomorrow…”
Then tomorrow comes and I do it again.
I have relapsed probably 8 times, but I am proud to say this time is sticking better than the last… but it does get easier as I have noticed.
Im here starting day 2 after having 110 days, I fell off for a month or so. I was doing so good. Each time i drink heavy now , which hasnt been daily, I notice a monster wanting to come out, aggressively. I turn 41 tomorrow, and im not going to drink. So lets start over together.
What’s your plan to help you get through?
Welcome back, you are honest with yourself. That’s a good start. For me it only worked couple of days, weeks, months without a plan til I relapsed again. I would be sober physically but the cravings would always be there. My mind would circle around drinks all the time and every day and night was a battle with myself. My own willpower did not last endlessly and then I would drink again. I needed a programme and it took me years! In and out of AA until I finally stopped fighting and did exactly what all AA people did. I go to meetings, found a sponsor, pray, read and most importantly not picking up the first drink. Instead I chat to or call other AA friends. But it took me a very long time until I understood AA is a very very good program to do. Nothing, really nothing kept me sober and I tried almost everything…
I wish you all the best. Stay active here and come here before you pick up a drink
@Button83 Alcohol is progressive that’s why it gets worse every time you go go back to it @Ncgolfer Your anger is coming from your true self not wanting you to keep failing and plugging it down you , conflicting with your addicted brain making sure you continue to keep feeding him …unfortunately in your drinking you’ve reached the point where most of us do …it’s no longer your choice ,fortunately you don’t have to feel like that anymore ,you can get a programme do what we do and never have to continue the cycle again .I wish you well my friend and keep talking to us on here especially the millisecond you want to pick up we’re always here👍
Its 9:56pm and I didnt drink. I know I shouldnt , I know what happens when I do. I dont like me when I do. Anyway im heading to sleep sober. How about you?
There’s many plans on this site. When I first got sober I went to a lot of AA meetings and asked the people with many years of sobriety how they got sober. There’s also many people on this forum with many years of sobriety as well. Read around and find someone you resonate with and ask them. In sobriety there’s no better teacher than experience
Wow appreciate you thinking of me. Doing okay today. Was able to get a workout in before work and took the dogs on a walk over my lunch break to get some sunshine.
Just taking it moment by moment.
I am proud of you! So proud… it is so hard, and we all handle it differently, but keep fighting the good fight. We are here always! <3
That’s ok that’s what we do here 
That sounds like a great day walking s wicked for the mind I do it everyday especially if I don’t want to I always feel better after .fair shout for the workout I’ve never done one or entered a gym in my life….keep on keeping on mate your doing great 
Happy sober birthday button 
