Iv been thinking of this for the last hour. Today after a long work day my co worker asked me a question right when we got off ( we normally drink after work together) he asked do i plan on staying sober forever or learn to maintain it and have a few here and there at family parties or things like that.
And iv been so focused on just staying sober right now day by day that I didn’t even plan that far ahead. It’s got me thinking. I want to stay sober but what if I’m a few months or years in and I say maybe just one or now that iv maintained the monster, maybe I can have a few here and there. His question got me thinking ? What did you do and what’s your thoughts on the subject ?
I plan on staying sober entirely , but the question did have me thinking for a second
In my experience, once we lose control of our drinking we’re not going to find it back. Seen many people try it. Seen nobody succeed. And ‘normal’ people don’t need to control their drinking, they just do.
Anyway, forever is a concept that our feeble minds can’t grasp. Just for today will do. Will repeat tomorrow, but that’s not for now. Congrats on staying sober one day at a time friend. Been doing that for nearly 7 years now. Happy with it.
You worded that perfectly! I’m going to use that tomorrow haha. I’m just worried about staying sober day by day and thats the best I can do. Thanks bro , needed that
If you can’t currently contain your drinking behaviours, and that’s why you are on this sober journey then I think the idea of maintaining an alcohol addiction is beyond the pale and impossible to most of us with this problem. I definitely couldn’t, despite numerous algorithms and systematic and scientific attempts. Addiction is not something we can manage. We have to outmanage the behaviours by going full sober.
You can do this, dig in. Sober is forever. Don’t give up.
I could list the ways I tried to “drink occasionally”, but it would be a long list and no one would read it.
These days I take it one day at a time. I rarely describe myself as a non-drinker, I just say “I’m not drinking today”. Most friends get it because they’ve seen me drinking and worked out that I liked it too much so it’s no good for me.
Honestly, “one day at a time” saved me. I can’t control the future but I CAN stay sober today. That I can do.
My thoughts are we only have today, and today I want to be and am sober. Forever is a long time and I don’t need to trouble myself over a hypothetical get together way off in a future. It is okay to focus on staying sober today.
Also, I tried ‘just one’ or ‘just a few’ for years…trying to find the magical secret to how I could drink normally. But the thing is, I can’t drink like that. Sure, maybe for a week or two or even longer, but eventually I would blow out, black out drunk it. I spent way way too much time in my life trying to ‘figure out’ how to fit drinking into my life. After finally letting go and getting sober long term, I now feel free…a freedom I never felt while drinking.
Like everyone said before this moderation thing never worked for me and to be honest it would be too exhausting for me. I can literally still feel the struggle I’d have when I would manage to have one glass of wine today. It would start again this mental gymnastics again, the counting, the negotiation. I don’t want this anymore in my life. It did nothing good for me in the long run. And in the short run - a bad hangover, guilt and shame. It took me quite some time to turn my I cannot drink into I don’t drink anymore. I don’t want to drink alcohol anymore.
Maybe try ameeting meet like minded people who will understand were you are now i went to a meeting in 1986 im still sober 2026 so it works desire and effort helps wish you well
I personally have tried this and it did not work for me. My brother also, he ended up losing his life to the disease. He quit for a liver transplant, was approved, and celebrated with one sip of champagne then next thing you know he is picking up bottles of vodka again.
I don’t say that to scare you, it’s just this disease is a viscous and cunning. Your mind will lie to you that you have it this time, but then you are worse off then before. (Just speaking from experience)
I have never seen anyone who once had a serious problem with it successfully achieve moderation.
Life is SO much better sober and it’s rebellious in a way! Who wants to live life numbing and dumbing the incredible person God made them to be? You will find so much more peace, clarity, fun, and beauty in continued sobriety. But it is ultimately your choice. Wishing you the best of luck and many prayers your way.
That’s my new favorite line to use from now on. Just taking it day by day. It sounds cool to be an occasional drinker , but I know once I get started I won’t stop and then that leads to other toxic shit I like to indulge in. Which is no good at all
I feel like I relate to this a lot. I’m basically the same way.
I’m just going to take it day by day and take some advice ov received and not consider my self as a non drinker , just someone who’s not drinking today
I’m sorry to hear about your loss. Unfortunate but in a way it’s still a way to show you the truth about our disease and how harsh it is. Makes you learn
Yeah I dont want to drink again. I hope and pray I can be who I want to be , not just for me but my son
I havnt gad a drink sence ma10th 2023. I have found out for me personaly that i learned i do not need a drink and im so accepting i dont need it, that i dont think i will ever have a need for it. I actually have come to totally accept i dont need it i truley believe there will be nothing worth hsving it. Its the complete opposite of active using. I have been on here for a very long time. This isnt even my first username. I was a mess. I thought i want to get sober because i hate feeing drinks including loads of drugs.
Some days i went im done never will do it again and the next day im litterally looking for anything anywhere. That being said. Forever sober was not only just seeming to be not possible for me or even for anyone, forever sober scared the shit outta me. I wanted to feel good but never ever frelt it without dtinking or otherwise using. I would be sober 2 days and actually convince myself it was so hard to do tgat i would never ever want to be sober. It was two big ass opposite extremes in my big ass head.
Now that being said i want to ask you a question.
In my very real experience, even quitting nicotine 100% may 4th 2024.
What do you think is harder.
Stop, go, both or not sure?
Think. I know you know but be absolutely hounest. No sugar coating this answer. Please tell me you answer and i will tell you even more about me. Just me. Not you. You are free, you are even unique. I will not tell you what i think you should do. Insted i want to show you what i think you can do. Be hounest
Whats harder to you?
Stop 100%
Go 100%
Both 50% 50%
Not sure
Im going on a limb here to be easy on you
Also this us very strong
I have a 2 year old boy and a wife
I relapsed the last time sep12th 2024. I can not , it is impossible to get sober for anyone but myself
Sep 12th 2024 my son was 7months old
This us actually the light way to put it
Another light way is for me to tell you is
No matter what there will always be 1 single addiction i have to never ever stop. I actually will choose this addiction at all cost. The addiction im tslking about is life. I will live as long as i can. My hands will not be the reason for my end. One addiction is yes. My life alive. While im here ill be the best i can be for really only my wife and boy. But i must accept the hell my friend, does not sleep. In hell, i will still choose life. Thats hounestly all of it. Choosing life no matter what is my only way out of a hell i may get in
Its dark
Its hard
I will never pick up a beer or a drink or a drug because im not going to be my own end. I will refuse
Your experience sounds similar to mine. I drink and I indulge is a lot of drugs which turns into benders which never ends , even when sick and tired of it , I find myself always looking for more and even forcing my self to drink even though my body is rejecting it, I would force myself. I don’t like that part of me , I don’t like that person. So if I can avoid that , I’ll do whatever it takes.
I want to quit 100% , I know once I take one drink I’ll resort to my go to excuse “ one more , I can handle it “ next thing I’m buzzed now I’m telling myself “ fuck it , get a bag “ next thing I know I’m doing shit I regret or don’t remember doing.
So I want to quit 100% but like you said that word forever scared me , but I know I can do it
