My anxiety is through the roof I want to go to my escape. He is everything and beyond the exact definition of a Narcisist. I have to come to accept that he can’t change we will never be ok and at tge best time but hey I can do this. I will deal until I’m on my feet better job car etc and leave it finally once and for all Clean break. I said all of this so strongly yesterday in counseling. And today it hurts. In ways I feel so stupid 4 years and it’s never changed why did I stay. He broke me down piece by piece. I will continue to stand by my words that him nor alcohol will take one more ounce of me. Two addictions I refuse to let take over me anymore. I will continue to repeat this all day long. Reinforce it repeatedly . 5 days sober and continuing.
Thank you!!! I’m trying one day at.a.time. Glad I can finally see happiness in my future!
I can relate with you, my husband is a total narcissistic man. I was drinking when we met and married, now sober I don’t really like the man he is. I feel the same way stay while I save and then make a clean break. Good luck! 
You too as well! I want to be.loved the way I love and I know I can’t by him. That’s what.led me to my drugs and drinking was my whole relationship. It.slowly tore the independent woman and mom I was down to literally nothing. Nothing could.be.worse.than this but the comfort of him even though I hate.our.time is better than being alone. Hopefully soon I can be strong.and make a clean break and be ok with being by myself. One day at a time.