I’m just going to start. I’ve been a drunk for my entire adult life. Started with the “boys will be boys” thing in high-school and never left. I started smoking cigarettes when I was 18 being around alot of drinkers but I never got into drugs… until I met cocaine. Then alcohol and cociane were always the duo… this carried on from 23 to about 30ish. (Holy fuck how am I alive)… I quit doing coke. I order to quit cocaine I quit drinking… for 8 weeks… hahaha fuck… but hell it worked. I haven’t touched blow in 2 years or so and some how I managed to quit smoking a year ago as well. The thing that’s never left is booze.
Though my alcoholic and drug addicted young adult life I always justified it by excelling in my career… “I’m not a fuck up i made X amount of money” blah blah blah… so I have a great career and I have worked hard for it… silver lining?
Now the bad shit… ive fucked over and lied to any women willing to let me into there life. I’ve hurt people who called me there friends. Worst thing i ever did was I came on to one of my best friends girlfriends one night fucked out of my tree… that relationship is gone. I have massive self worth issues… I devolved some not so healthy habits with self injury… I cut when I feel real bad. Steak knife on the legs is the go 2. I’m a terrible uncle… im not a part of my nephews life because I’m never around and never put any effort into being an uncle. I’m a self centered son who has taken his family for granted. So I probably sound pretty terrible…
Over the past 2 years I’ve apologized to people from my past for some of the shit I’ve done. I’ve started to try and tell my self im worth a shit, take better care of my body/mind and self injury for the most part is a thing of the past.
The people that I have hurt for some reason still want me in there lifes… like I said im a bad guy not a monster. I can honesty say i don’t think I’ve ever hurt anyone sober. I need to stop drinking. My life is fucked, I can accept that for now, I need to stop because the people who mean the most to me for some fucked reason still want me around and after the decade of being a fucking D bag I feel I owe it to them and hopefully to my self.
If you can relate to any of this… your not alone.
