Step 3/4 - my ah ha moment

Since getting sober over 2 years ago, I have struggled with step 3. Which I couldn’t understand why, because I have always believed in God. During a meeting tonight it hit me why. I have always struggled with trust issues. I could blame my ex, or go further back and blame my parents, but suddenly I became very aware of the fact that I have been struggling to surrender my life over to God because I don’t trust Him!! Has anyone else ever put God on their list of resentments?

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I am not there yet but I think its great that you had this epiphany. Love this about recovery… things fall into place when they are supposed to.

I am interested to read others comments who have gotten further then I have in step work.

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I have already done complete set of steps, this will be my 2nd round. But I am at different point in my life and getting something completely different out of then this time around.

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I really relate to this. I was having this very thought today about struggling with my step 3. For me, it’s a mix of trust issues combined with my ego. How could God know better than me what I need? But that line of stinking thinking is what brought me to my knees in the first place.

None of us practice the principles perfectly.

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Yes, its so cool how you might even read the question ( using NA step guide ) a completely different way regarding where you are in your recovery. My sponsor is going through a set of steps too and we often talk about how we interpret them differently.

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Imagine how arrogant we addicts are, that we want to manipulate our higher power, it is our madness to want to control everything. Step 2 tells us of coming to believe that a higher power can restore our sanity. This is much more than just believing, healthy judgment is also: “whatever happens, our superior power loves us”, and we can see that show of love with wisdom and learning, we must have an open mind, because he love as we conceive it. However this sounds very nice in lyrics hahaha. I was resentful for a time with my superior power, I love him, I adore him a lot, but things were not going as I expected, as I believed I deserved them, and my spiritual fall was extinguishing my faith, I knew that I had to keep my conscious contact with him, and according to what I did, I prayed, thanked in the morning and before bed, but really I did not do it from the heart, I just did it to comply, as when you are resentful with your parents and You make your obligations to avoid any discussion, but in reality you are very bitter, hahahaha well something like that. I realized that I was not praying from my heart, that I was not talking to him, as I did before, I wanted to claim things from him, so I had to fight him, talk to him, claim him and throw away everything, all that that I resented , openly all from heart, it was a long conversation hahahahaha because I felt that everything I tried was not enough. Nothing that happened to us in recovery is the fault of our superior power, or is a direct proof of it, it is only life as it is, we cannot control it, but if we can control our reactions to it, and if we cannot you have to ask for help, ask for strength from our higher power and there we enter the key word of the third step this is very very important “Letting go of the reins” applying this is very difficult for me, I am very stubborn, but when I achieve it when I trust when I leave it all to him. It is wonderful. There that wisdom, that learning, that spiritual awakening opens in me and that healthy judgment is renewed. When I love and let myself love without expectations. And I am pleased with everything around me. God’s time is perfect. Anyway, I have resented my superior power but I try to solve it quickly, praying from my heart asking for strength and letting go of the reins.

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One of the best responses I have ever read on here.
Thank you for sharing!

I couldn’t agree more. The balls on us to resent our higher power because he didn’t give us the things that WE think he should have. That he made our life unmanageable. But also like you said, we are addicts and alcoholics. We have control issues.

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Yes I can relate :pray:t2:
I used to blame god as a child. Why o why did this all happend to me. I started to get real upset in my teens, turning to atheism. I knew damn well who and what I didnt believe in but then slowly, it went from bad to worse. Not untill I hit my 30s a remnance of my old childhood faith came back to me, and with that a grudge. I have a pretty good memory. I can hold a grudge for ever. That dont affect who ever I hold it against tho. It only affect me. Like drinking poison and expect the other one to die. It was like that with god. However, my life has really turned around and so he wasnt all bad, infact I have a life. I had never really had that before. And I survived all those years. Probably not alone. Im human. Something was looking out for me, even when I looked away and for that I am grateful. As soon as I forgave god and myself for holding this grudge I was free. Really free. Free from my own grip.
I learned something. Be carefull for what you wish for. If you want to be free for instance, how would you ever know what it felt like? Prison? Drugs? Abusive parentes? Psycheward? A tyrranical ego,hell bent on retribution? Anyways, I got carried away :thinking:
Ah step 3. Love it. Yes, who are we to know what is really best for us? If I go back, had it my way again this would probably happend again. I wanna try something else :heart:

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If you mean the God that was force-fed to me by purported holy men and women in houses of the holy? The one used to justify all sorts of un-Christ-like behaviors in the name of their almighty God. Their God that was beyond questioning and to do such was met with ridicule and shaming.

That God (as an entity) has gotten by with too much free rent in my head and undue consideration in my life. That God to me is nothing more than a fable used by people to manipulate and control others – yet still manages to creep in and control the narrative at times. (No different than when a the thought of a drink arises. As the literature says (living sober specifically) this is not surprising given how much time I dedicated to alcohol). So it isn’t surprising given how much time I spent in the pews.

At times, I think that God needs to be killed once and for all for me to get past all that. But it seems that as my HP reveals itself — that God is going to simply fade into the background and remain a useful lesson at using HP for power, control, and other improper things.

To me, the steps are often described as static principles-- rather than living ones that can grow with us. For Goat, a third step in early sobriety should not look and feel the same after time in sobriety and 11th step work. As we work to become more spiritual and learn more about ourselves and about HP and how it works in our lives – it should become a more intense and personal experience, not the rote prayer it may have been in early sobriety.

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Yes. God was on my 4th step inventory.
the first time with Step 3 is just a decision to move forward with the steps. Pick up a pen and get writing.
I found a higher power through the steps and I have had a spiritual awakening but at step 3 it was a matter of deciding to move forward.
The steps evolve and step 3 means something different to me now.
You got this.

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Hello Anita just wanted to tell you trust in him, I give thanks to God almost everyday for the things that I have, from smallest to the biggest thing which are my parents healthy and still here. I am at 68 days now and I know he is with me at all times threw this process. Congrats on two years, I’ll be there one day.

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Your post is exactly what led me to SMART Recovery. I 100% understand where you are coming from. I find that a cognitive based program works better for me over a spiritual based one.

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I actually love the spiritual foundation that AA is built upon. It’s not that I don’t believe in God, because I very much do, but I dont think I realized that I had lost my faith in him. I am working to rebuild that relationship.

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