It’s coming up to three months now since my last drinks days get hard for me I start missing the fin times iad when I drank…the escape from reality the feel good moments the taste of the drink I sipped.
Then I start to remember all the pain I caused sickness of todays thanks to yesterdays drinks worse of all the hurtful words said I could not take back.
All excuses lies to justify my drinking all somone else to blame it was me as days go on I ask myself why I crave this drink when I know it will be my end and will not bring me happiness.
Forgiveness I don’t expect trust will be hard to gain yet each day sober will be a positive start.
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Know those feelings and thoughts very well. It was really hard in the begining, and to play the tape all the way was good help. To think and remeber all the shit I end up with, the feelings, the anxiety, pains, feeling shitty and drink again to repair. Looking at old picture to see how awfull I looked. Thinking about everything I fucked up, letting my kids down. It helped to keep pushing.
Over 2y sober and still get those thoughts every now and then, but its way easier to not spiral in those thoughts.
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This is one of best tools for me playing the tape forward and exposing the cravings lies.
When the rose tinted thoughts of great times come i also remember the pain i cause the 24-48 hours of drinking not just the few i promise myself. Then the 4 days after feeling down and all the anxiety and depression all for some poison i dont need.
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