Well, I relapsed 6 days ago. AGAIN! But I’m back to getting sober again. My question is WHEN DOES IT STOP! When I decide to stop being so hardheaded? When I drink and drive and kill an innocent person crossing the street? When I decide enough is enough? I’ve decided that so many times now that I’ve lost count. The relapses and excuses are killing me more than the alcohol itself! It drives me crazy! I’m known to be a very smart, intelligent, strong woman. But geeeesh!!! If everyone knew this side of me they’d probably shit their pants in disbelief 
Ok so now that I got that out of the way, a new year is coming. I’ve been sober now for 6 days. I cannot wait to see my 1 year mark on my calendar you guys. Although, my plan is to go wayyyyyyy beyond that. I got this 
If you don’t follow Tiffany Jenkins on social media, please go find her. She is a recovered drug addict/alcoholic and is very inspiring. Or should I say a “recovering” drug addict/alcoholic. I don’t think we ever fully recover. I believe we fight this crap our whole life. Anyways, her story reminds me that if she can do it I CAN TOO!!! Ok now I’m crying I truly appreciate every single one of you.
I remember being where you are so well. Looking at my own behaviour and understanding in my head so well what was going on, but just repeating the same patterns. It was just exhausting. Sobriety is freedom, for sure.
What is your plan to make it stick this time? Most people in recovery have a ‘program’ of some sort, especially in the early days.
The time you had alcohol free is not lost! You still had that time, go for you! Then instead of continuing down that destructive path, you stopped and are trying again. Good for you, proud of you. Many others go for years before trying to get sober again.
It happens, brush yourself off and give yourself some grace! Gather your tools and find a few more. And let’s stay sober together for today!
Glad you’re here and back where you belong. The cycle of on & off the sauce is hard to break, I know too well.
We never really need to, or have to drink. It’s getting free of the want to drink is key, I believe. I went to a lot of meetings my first couple years and simply heard the same thing from the people there: keep doing it and terrible shit happens - to us all. The scenario you mentioned above, I’ve heard from some. They received reinforced sobriety in the form of a lengthy time-out for adults (jail).
Others it’s the financial thing, the relationship loss, the mental, physical or health related developments.
Hell, if none of those came about from using drugs or drinking most of us would still be doing it. But it doesn’t work that way does it?
I’m not special and neither are you is something I remind myself daily when it comes to this disease. I accept it, I own it and I’m not afraid to discuss it in person, or here, with all. It’s how I got comfortable with me again. I don’t lie to myself anymore about this. I know there will never be a “good reason” for me to drink or use drugs again, only bad ones. Us who’ve relapsed have proven it time & again. Hugs TL!
I love this! And so true there is never a good reason to pick up again. But sure does sound like one sometimes.@Smitty97 we just have to fight the fight when it comes. Staying sober today and worrying about tomorrow when it comes.
For sure! Have a great day!
I do already have a lot of support. But I am really starting to believe I need to be in some kind’ve program. I have it stuck in my head that because I don’t drink ALL THE TIME then it’s ok if I have a drink. I forget that when I do decide to drink, I literally drink enough for the many sober days I don’t drink But I feel like the support I have isn’t enough because I go so long without drinking that I feel like they think I’m ok and past the point of needing the extra help. I need a group and I need it weekly even if I’m sober for a long time.
I read your comment twice. Not because it didn’t make sense. I read it twice because it made perfect sense! I am so glad I’m not in a relationship, because I would definitely be the one reason why it would fail if I was to drink the way I did six days ago. I am so thankful I am not depressed but yet if I keep this up, I will definitely fall back into that. So thank you for reminding me that that is actually very possible when falling backwards as you’re trying to move forward. I will continue to do like you said and own up to my own mistake. I absolutely love that you learned to open up about it. That is exactly what I need to do. I’m a very shy person. I don’t open up enough about it. Usually just on here. As for being honest to myself, I have to say it took everything I had to restart my clock on here to day one. I did it, but it sure was hard. Thank you so much for your comment. I appreciate it more than you will ever know.
Glad you’re back!!!
Just glad I could help. I gotta give away what was freely given to me in the beginning or I risk losing it all again.
What ended that day to day(month to month, year to year) cycle for me wasn’t a decision. It ended when I finally said
And everything else he 
said 
Stare it right in the face and tell it like it is. I am powerless over alcohol. The only power I have is to say ‘no’ to the first drink. It’s the only thing I have to get right every single time. I think if someone like me could do it, anyone can. You can and will! 
[quote=“Tigerlilly, post:9, topic:190119”]
I’m a very shy person.
[/quote] I think a lot of people are that are here! By reading other’s posts. Which makes me feel not alone! I’m very uncomfortable in a group of people, especially people I don’t know well. Even going to family things gives me anxiety. Build your toolbox. Go to an online meeting, you don’t have to say anything or turn on your camera. You can do this. It is one day at time! Choosing not to pick up that first drink. Think it through, I tell myself, it would be a death sentence, it was way too hard to get here. Especially even one day. So it is a solid NO. Even when I want that drink so badly at times. But use my tools. You got this! pick up, your toolbox and start again. Take of yourself and Stay sober with us today. @Tigerlilly
Welcome back. I do have to offer advice to remain sober… go to meetings. Stay connected on this forum. Keep sobriety in your view at all times. You can do this.
Welcome back.
I agree- resetting to day 1 sucked. I had to do that recently and I cried most of the day. I was reminded that a reset doesn’t erase all the progress you’ve made.
Glad you’re here and sharing your truth.
Maybe try a meeting might help helped me stay sober wish you well
Honestly i felt the same way. I at one time decided to be put away for the rest of my life because the only time i didnt drink was in treatment. I went 9 times. But get this! It finally stopped! My urge to drink stopped! I work at a liquor store now too.
I found a way to keep my mind busy all the time. Im never in the quiet and always keeping my hands busy with hobbies i enjoy. I even have a tv in my bathroom so no idle thoughts. Now that im working at a liquor store i see drunk people every day and most of the time its the same people and i see them struggle. They struggle like i did. Struggle for money and illness and getting through their jobs. I see all this and im glad its not me anymore.
So it does yes, the urge does stop.
Are you feeling any benefits when you’re not drinking? Try to remind yourself how good you feel when you get the urge. For me, I have way more energy, I’m more focused and have more clarity, I feel better overall, I’m happier and laugh easier, I’m less anxious and much less depressed, I eat better and make better life choices overall. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing out on, remind yourself what you’re gaining!
I know it’s hard. But this has been helpful for me. 
Hi, there, Tigerlilly. How are you feeling today?
Get a credentialed, qualified professional to complete a DSM-V Multiaxial Assessment of you. Your history tells me you may require the correct assessment to rule out any co-occurring mental health disorders. Nobody here can assess you, so when you ask when it will end, that is of course a rhetorical question on your part, but you are trying to be honest. If you want to be serious about getting well, get that assessment and see what you are dealing with. If you have multiple relapses after periods of abstinence, you likely require inpatient treatment followed by structured aftercare, after which I suggest you seriously consider using residential housing in an Oxford House or similar clean and sober recovery based housing. Those are my honest suggestions for you.
If you are not attending at least 5 12 Step support group meetings a week, then you are not doing all you can do to support not just sobriety but RECOVERY and joy in life, which from your own post and your profile appears to be what you desire. If you are attending meetings then consider increasing the number per week and get a temporary sponsor (same sex sponsor) until you can choose one from attending enough meetings to get to know people who have at least 5 years of continuous recovery, not just sobriety. 5 years or more working a real recovery program. Do not accept a sponsor with less time because in your case you need a real “pro” who has a lot of experience and a large fund of knowledge of the 12 Step Program. I have over 30 years of continuous recovery.
I stopped doing that when I kept relapsing I just minused the day and moved on 3 years in Nov!