Hi again,
I feel as though each time I relapse it’s just is worse and worse. I woke up with severe anxiety and hangover. I have to miss work again. I’m so stressed out and overwhelmed. I need to get help but am afraid to go away or to go on a leave from work. No one knows but my boyfriend that I’m going through this again or how bad it is. He drinks with me but he doesn’t have the same consequences. I feel horrible and distraught and like I’m finally throwing in the towel to this addiction that is really getting bad. I am hungover at work or missing work and I’m distanced from my family. I guess I just needed to get this out somewhere. Trying to reach out to a therapist to hopefully get some advice or help.
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Don’t wait for better times. Make it happen. We need to do it ourselves but we can’t do it alone. A therapist might help. But peer support might be at least just as helpful, if not more. We need each other friend. For me this place right here gave me that support, but early on I did face to face meetings too and they were a big help. Many folks here use these meetings (lots of possibilities, AA, SMART, Buddhist, Secular…), either in person or online. We’re in this together. We can do it together. And yes, the only thing we can do against addiction, the only power and control we have, is total abstinance. There’s no controlled drinking for folks like us. Let’s do this! Wishing you all success.
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It is a terrible burden to carry, I know, I carried mine far too long. I am glad you are here and reaching out. I know it feels like the cycle will never end, but each time your sober muscles grow a tiny bit…the key for me was to never stop trying to reach my goal of sobriety. Hope you will stick around, there is a lot of accumulated knowledge and sober people here from all over the world. Do you enjoy reading? I gained so much sustenance and knowledge from reading about others journeys (here and in memoirs). Today is a good day to be sober. 
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I have such vivid dreams and goals of how my life could look if I stay sober. Getting back in shape, being happy, feeling content in nature. The reality of my drinking now , is it isn’t even fun anymore it’s like a chore. And my brain especially when hungover tells me I need to drink so that I don’t feel like shit. And then it comes Monday and I’m just a complete wreck of a person. I appreciate the words and support from this community. I do like to engage and read to understand this really is a battle I don’t have to fight alone.
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I know I’m the only one who can do this for myself. I need to not just want better times i need to work for them. Thank you for your advice and support. I want to stay here and hang on to my sobriety for good this time. I’m going to look into ways I can find in person support.
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To expand on the peer support / therapist thing a little bit, I needed sobriety first, before I could get myself into therapy with succes. So for me it started with peer support, and when I had a bit of sober time under my belt I started therapy, which also has to do with the waiting lists for the mental health services here (The Netherlands) .
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I’m sorry you’re going through this difficult time but the fact that you’re realizing you need help is a good step. This might be hard to hear but maybe it’s time to consider a inpatient program or somewhere you can go to properly get help. Not sure where you live but there is many resources out there. There’s also outpatient programs. I understand being worried about your job but maybe it’s time to be honest with your job. If you need to take a leave to better your life and they’re not willing to understand or stick by you there’s always going to be other jobs. But you only have one life. Sobriety is not easy at first but the more time you put towards your recovery and really put in the effort it becomes normal. For me personally I had to learn why I needed to feel the need to change the way I feel. It got to a point where escaping reality wasn’t really escaping reality. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Call around see what your options are. In the long run you’ll be grateful you took the step.
Ps: The therapist is definitely a good start. Just be willing to be honest and don’t hold back. Utilize every possible resource.
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This was exactly the way that I got with my drinking! I never, ever thought I would be free. I found this forum and a fella on here said to me, “ NOTHING CHANGES IF NOTHING CHANGES “……and 
pow!! It just clicked. It was pure madness for me to be doing the same shit over and over and expecting outcomes. With this forum (I come here everyday) I’m now at just passed 5 years!!! Don’t give up trying! Something will click, keep working towards your dream. It is possible to live a happy sober life! You are not alone, lean on us my friend! Also I found sober literature a great help. This naked mind by Annie Grace. And the easy way to get sober by Allen Carr were great…. There are some cracking biographies available. I wish you well 
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Thank you all for chiming in to me and offering support. I am still anxious and just honestly really mad I let myself get to this point again. I haven’t changed anything and have been spiraling for a while. I am trying to get the strength to turn my self pity thoughts into motivation.
I’m SO ready for change, I need to put in the work.
I found an in person therapist today. waiting to hear back and consult with them.
I have been so used to holding things in or dealing with them on my own. Trying to remind myself I do only get one life here and all other factors can be put on hold for me to get the help I need.
Thank you again 
Very anxious to show my face at work tomorrow.
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Recovery is definitely going to take some work but it’s so worth it. Stay on the path and you’ll be able to look back on this in the future and remember how far you came. Glad you found a therapist. As far as going into work just show up and do your best. That’s all we can do. Let us know how things go. We’re here for you!
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I will check in tomorrow, planning to be on here a lot to hold myself accountable and seek comfort in this community. Thank you for taking the time to share your support and knowledge.
Winding down and hoping I can get some sleep tonight. Knowing that tomorrow I may not feel the best but I won’t feel as bad as I did this morning. And so on!
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When you decide not to drink for the next 24 hours, in that moment a great strength emerges that you don’t care what you look like or how tired you feel, because inside I feel very strong. And when the 24 hours are up, have another 24 ahead. You’ll see that you like it
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Good luck at work @bettertimesahead sending you strength and facing your fears today remember to keep it in the day . Just conquer this 24 hours sober