Story of how it all went down. Im new here

Hi, I really dont know where to start this, but here goes.
I’m 28yrs from Finland. Been working as a bartender for the past 10 years, and (not suprisingly) the industry would the point where my problems started. It all started with seasonal depression and afrework beers mixed together, and went like that for a couple of years. After that I had few good years (if you can say so,considering) with out a diagnose for depression, but the afrework beers and other restaurant industry “habits” stuck along hard. Soon it was not just after work and relaxing with friends, but me drinking one shit of vodka before work just so I could go there, or me sitting in the pub next door alone surrounded with people I didnt know or just some fellow alcoholics.
At that point, I was denying hard that I had a problem, telling my self that everyone I know does this and its just a “thing bartenders do”.

Well, its Been almost 5 years now and the same shit is still going on strong. I’vw missed some shifts (even nightshifts) for heavy drinking that could go on days, i’ve lost some pretty good and loving relationships because of alcohol, and dont even get me started on money problems or gaining wight… Now my depression has also hit me hard, going hand to hand with some crippling anxiety that I have to deal every day. I quit my Job 2 weeks ago, due to burnout, mostly because of stress and not sleeping, but also because I have no idea how to get up from this hole im on, or how to stop drinking. It feels like I have no control over my crawings, and that they always win.

Anyway, im now trying my best to even step down with the drinking, but my goal would be to quit it for good. I woke up two days ago from ER after I had fallen down with a scooter, breaking my nose and resulting to a black eye. I dont want to do that shit anymore. I dont want to sake up hungover at hospital, or at home but not remembering a thing from last night. For my own sake, but also for my friends, parents and girlfriends sake. Its time to stop getting complitely shitfaced every other day.

Anyone here with similar thoughts, im up to chat. Support is more than welcome :slight_smile:


You will find plenty of support here. How much do you drink, I would suggest that you just stop rather than trying to taper yourself off of it but depending on how much you drink your could be at risk of a seizure so a medical detox may be in order.
Anyway welcome to the community, stick around and have a good read, people who join in, check in daily and soak up the information that is on other they tend to do really well.
Use the search function at the top to search relevant threads and what to put in to your sobriety toolbox, I look forward to seeing your journey :+1::slightly_smiling_face:


Hi and welcome.
I think it’s a great thing you quit your job because, honestly, I cannot imagine a person successfully giving up alcohol whilst working in a bar (but that’s just me… some people can do it).
I also think you should try and consider quitting booze for good (if you can “see” yourself not drinking at all).
Anyway, it will be a bumpy ride, but you’re young and have all the time in the world to experience great things (and those will come, although now it feels like sh…).
The important thing is: do you have anyone (a therapist would be ideal, in my opinion) you could talk to about your addiction and the anxiety you are experiencing (the anxiety, hand in hand with the depression and the panic attacks&co follows the years of abuse, as you probably know)?


Yeah, I think the depression, anciety etc are more than 100% connected to alcoholism. I have been seeing a doctor from time to time for half a year now, but there we mainly concentrate to my mental health - not that much to drinking altough it comes along with it. Two days from now im going to see that doctor again, and we are schedulling a psychiatric appointment to me, so I can aplly to 80% goverment paid psychotherapy and get started with it (we are lucky to have those things here, since I would not be able to pay it whole myself).

Would you guys recommend aa-meetings or going to see a alcoholism specialiced social worker? Ive done some googling and it seems there would be opportunity to go see either one of them here in my home town.

Also, it made me smile for the first time for a long time to have such supporting and warm responses right away, so thank you guys!


Why not both? Get all the support you possibly can while you are so motivated, you can pare down whatever isnt working later!


I would definitely suggest going to an AA meeting, your don’t have to share you can just listen if you want and if your don’t like it then you don’t have to go back, your will find a level of understanding in those rooms that you will find nowhere else. There are also smart recovery meetings which differ from AA. These are extremely good, time tested tools that will help you stay sober as putting down the drink is just the start :slightly_smiling_face:

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I don’t have any experience with the AA meetings (in our country we just don’t have this organization - only specialists organize something similar, but mostly in rehab hospitals and I don’t qualify for those), but, from what I’ve heard here, I would recommend it.
And, as @OneBoiledOwl pointed out, get all the help you can: your psychiatrist, the AA, this forum.

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Hey there :grin: you’ve come to the right place! So happy to see you’re taking the right steps by joining here and realizing that the craziness needs to end. How much were you drinking? With me, I tried to taper down and ended up just cheating myself and buying shooters throughout the day. I finally had to tell my parents I couldn’t do it alone (all while having liver cirrhosis mind you) and needed professional help. So I went to a medical detox for a week. But I was super bad-I couldn’t get through a 6 hour sleep without withdrawals starting to happen. If that’s the case you might want to consider that. AA definitely and checking in here everyday. I see an addiction therapist. They get us and it’s super helpful especially with your depression. That anxiety you’re feeling is from the alcohol I was the same way towards the end-could hardly leave the house. It will get better! I’m all ears!


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Good to see you here :+1::muscle: What location are you from in Finland? Ja samma på suomeksi, eli missä kaupungissa majailet? Kaikki järjestyy, tuu suomiryhmään chättäilemään :hugs:

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Welcome! Please lean on us during your journey as there are a number of great people here willing to listen and help. My drug of choice was also alcohol. I am 7 days in now. I’ve been a member of the TS forms since 2017. This is a good place to be to find info and like minded people. Remember everything starts with day 1.

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