Had a really rough couple of weeks at work. Feeling massively unsupported and like I’m fighting battles on my own. I’m a leader in my workplace and am ‘leading by example’ but that’s just been taken as ‘Ulric will do everything so I don’t have to’ I found myself in a dangerous situation and acted in the best to save both myself and reduce damage, now my actions are been pulled apart by people who did not have the back bone to support me in the moment
On the way home I went looking for that need inside me to use. Thankfully it wasn’t there (hell yes the therapy I used). Luckily I had no desire and am looking forward to a nice weekend with my wife.
As usually happens when dark thoughts enter, they snowball. Quite often old colleagues will ring me with a problem and my first instinct is to say
“Right, here is what we do about it” I want to help and am there for them, check in etc. once that issue is resolved I then do not hear from them unless I initiate contact and then it’s spotty at best. I have tried not to take this personally but it is hard. People have lives etc and I get that. I just wish I could either be completely not bothered or knock them back when they ask for help.
Oh boy… can i ever relate to ur post. I have 1 so-called friend that does exactly this. I never hear from her (literally it can go for months). Ill message her occasionally, i see that she reads it, but doesnt reply. Then when she is in distress or upset, she will message me and of course I will listen and give suggestions to help as needed.
I, like urself, tried to not take it personally. But its hard. Friendships (or any relationship for that matter) are supposed to be a 2-way street. Not 1 sided. Its frustrating when it is. I have had to step back and set some personal boundaries with her. I do still listen when she messages. But i have completely stopped messaging her. The friendship seems to be dying out and honestly, i feel a bit more free. Im not as disturbed about it, now that I have accepted how things are. It is what it is unfortunately.
Im sorry to hear that u have had a really rough couple of weeks at work too. I really hope things improve for u and run more smoothly in the future.
It’s sad when we realise that friendships are one way. It’s happened so many times in the past to me. I was friends with a lot of people from my own work, mostly younger than me so I didn’t go on the nights out etc (plus we know where that would lead). I fully supported them through so much but then nothing when they left work. People move on and I get that it’s just sad when we think it’s more than just colleagues.
I have sat and wondered if my view on friendship is warped due to attachment trauma. May be a factor I don’t know, I feel I give too much and care too much. But also feel I am unable to call them out for this as I might appear childish etc.
Not at all. It’s absolutely ok to adress a fact. And fact is that communication and caring don’t match. Using people for fixing issues and not bonding outside this happenings is not friendship, it’s taking advantage of people.
I name the differences and nuances in relationships very clearly as I am caring person and give freely, have an open ear and of course I help.
Over time some friendships faded out because I realized I was the one who kept them alive. I don’t ride dead horses anymore. Some of those people call or text from time to time and then it’s a nice conversation. But I do no longer engage in their lifes and don’t want them close anymore. As @Butterflymoonwoman said, boundaries and honesty towards oneself helps.
Hope your workplace situation eases, that sounds straining.