So I’ve been sober for 11 days now. And for the most part these last 5 to 6 days have been going really good. Don’t get the 2pm let’s get ready to drink thoughts. So we are doing good. BUT. I have an ex gf who I promised I would take care of her child and always be in his life. So I’ve been keeping up on that promise. But every once in a while she feels the need to call me and tell me everything I’m doing wrong. But hardly every thanks me for the stuff I’m doing for her child. When she calls me the second I see her name stress builds in my body. I know it’s going to be some bull about this or that. Tonight she did that and I got off the phone shaking. All I wanted to do was either punch a wall or drink. I did neither. I just need to figure out a way to not let her bother me sooooo much. But I also still need to talk to her since I am taking care of my boy. Idk. Still sober tho. And proud of myself.
On a side note been having a really really hard time sleeping at night. I can’t seem to get to sleep until the earliest midnight. I used to take sleeping pills other times I quit but I don’t want to this time. Any suggestions?
Thanks. Yeah kinda scared to stand up to her because she has the power if I ever see him again. It’s her child. I’m basically his dad. He knows I’m not but we love each other like father and son. So I put up with the bullshit just to make sure I’m here for him. Idk hard decisions
Oh boy, that’s tough. Sounds like she’s using her child to get what she wants from you, and if you don’t comply, she threatens you that you won’t see him anymore.
First, let me say you’re a stand up guy and I understand you wanting to stay with the boy. But she’s treating you like crap, and you don’t deserve that, no one does. Are you paying her for his support as well?
I’m not paying child support. But I pay pretty much half of everything. Football, baseball gear and costs, school supplies, haircuts, gifts, everything, day care
Wow, that is definitely paying for child support, even though it’s not mandated.
I agree with Chris, you need to try and set ground rules with her. Her treatment of you is terrible, that can’t continue. She’s using you for money and as a punching bag. Some women do that, and they continue to do it until someone makes them stop. I wish I had better advice for you as I don’t know the entire story. But you should think of something that would work for you. And it should not include her threatening or berrating you in any way. If she’s truly out of your life, what happens if she meets someone new, will she let you continue to see the boy, or is she only doing it for the money and will most likely cut you off then.
You staying sober is amazing and I hope you continue to do that for yourself, sobriety is not worth losing over someone that needlessly stresses you out.
And sleeping is shit when you 1st quit. Many people do start getting better sleep around 2 weeks in. Others like myself, are still struggling at 35 days. It’s better than first week, but not great. Be patient. The additional stress you’re dealing with is most likely contributing as well.
She left me for someone else. That’s how we broke up. Soo yeah. Still able to see him. Like I said I don’t know. I don’t mind paying for the things he needs because I don’t pay her directly but I get your point.
I’m so proud of you
And that’s solid af stepping up like that.
I’m sorry she does that you and makes you feel that way. Hopefully with more sobriety under your belt the anixety will calm down and you will set strong healthy boundries with her.
I hope it works out for you. Again, you’re a stand up guy for wanting to care and keep him in your life. I hope he is able to visit you to keep a relationship with him and as you don’t mind paying for his things. Never let her use you as a wallet though, because one day she could decide it’s done and you’re never going to see him. I pray that doesn’t happen.
Think about what you want. You matter, and the phone calls need to stop unless it’s about him. Please take care of your sobriety no matter what happens. I wish you the best, and I’m glad you didn’t drink tonight. ODAAT
Thank you very much for everything. It’s really helped calm me down and relax. Thank you again. And I don’t want to drink any more. And I will take it one day at a time.
You said you were stressed out and you felt like hitting the walls. You could consider hitting and punching a pillow instead. Or if you are able to and inclined to, Get on the floor and do a bunch of push-ups. Something to help get rid of that energy, bad energy, that you have.
There’s also breathing exercises.
Traditional is to take a breath in for 4 or 5 seconds, Hold it for seven seconds, and then let it out slowly over a number of seconds. This will actually help slow your heart rate down and make you feel calmer.
You can also try the Vipsanna meditation. The announcer says that you need to do it for 30 days but that’s not really true. Doing it the first time is helpful. The point of Vipsanna Is to put your thoughts only on what your breathing is doing and nothing else. It is mostly silent except for a gong every now and then that is to remind you to return your thoughts just to what your breathing is doing.
Good luck to you and I hope everything works out the way you want it to and that your stress level will go down and that you will be able to handle the stress that you do get.
Thank you. I have had a few encounters with a wall. But yes I need to quit that too. I am able to do push-ups or work out. And I never think about the the breathing exercises while in the situation. But I’ll try to next time. I have never done meditation. I have been thinking about doing it before bed to maybe help me sleep. Thank you for all the advise. I appreciate it.
I’m sorry for being nosy but is he your son too or just hers? If not that you shouldn’t have any obligation to be in his life forever especially if she is not treating you right.
Quick search pulled up this link.
The beauty of this particular breathing exercise ( it’s what I wrote up there) is that you can do it anywhere you want to and nobody knows that you’re doing it.
You can do it if you’re standing in line, you can do it if you’re driving your car and having a case of road rage, or in your instance, Dealing with what you are dealing with.
It’s not the answer to the aggravating problems.
It can be part of the answer to your response to it. And hopefully help you sleep at night. You can try and see.
Never mind, I found answer myself. Dude sorry to say that but you are being used, you pay for half of the stuff after she left you for someone else?? You need to get out of this toxic situation asap if you’re planning to maintain your sobriety cause she will not help you with it at all
He isn’t my son. But I promised him and her that I would be there for him until I die. No obligation needed but just the right thing to do for a boy that needs a father figure and for a boy that loves me like his father. You know.
